I feel so empty, ugly and agressive, I hate myself, sometimes I want to
die, sometimes I just
don't want to exist. No one understands me, I feel like no one really cares, that frustrates me, I am so depressed,why can no one understand.
Constantly I have to compensate by spending excessively, buying
lovely clothes in the hope that they will make me feel like a beautiful person, not an ugly worthless piece of
crap.
Everything annoys me, the
mess of my house, my house feels empty so I have to buy things to compensate. What am I compensating for? Love? Happieness? I had love once and lost it too. I wasn't
happy when I had it, wasn't
happy when I lost it. What will make me feel complete?
It's not not having someone that makes you
lonely and it is hard to explain what
lonely is. Nothing seems to help, life seems pointless. I can't relax, when I do, I start to think,
dark scarey thoughts, horrible thoughts of anger, hate, emptieness.
Depression is hard, however you can survive. You have to talk to someone, doctors can help. Having a sympathetic ear helps, not someone that tells you why you feel the way you feel but someone that just listens. Writing a journal helps too, this gets the thoughts out of your mind, just like talking to someone.
Life is hard but we all have, we just have to survice, keep fighting, it's not worthless.