Corporate Aikido

Corporate Aikido is the art of redirecting people who need help, instead of saying no, so you can get back to Minesweeper or, these days, Reddit. You use their energy against them, sending them off to accounting, answering their questions with a request for more information, etc. Corporate Aikido techniques and throws are best practiced in conference calls and meetings, where the unskilled opponent will appear to all to be combative and aggressive if he or she shows the slightest resistance to the Corporate Aikido movements.

How to use Corporate Aikido, by designbydave: "Yes, I am almost 100% sure what is wrong with your laptop, but I want you to go back and get more information for me, retrieve the appropriate power cables, software install discs etc so I don't have to work on it right this second, I'm currently reading a fascinating, 10 page article about a feral child that I found on reddit."

by knumbknuts September 6, 2013

Flag

Get the Corporate Aikido mug.

aikido

A Japanese martial art started by Morihei Ueshiba. It is for self defense and can be translated as "the art of peace". This is not necessarily true. During WWII the allies invaded Japan and outlawed the practicing of any sort of military training. The ingenious teachers changed the fighting style to make it seem passive, allowing them to continue to teach and practice aikido. If you take it in a dojo they will teach you the soft version. However, their are still movies that will show you the darker side of this martial art. Even without being shown you can see that every move can be turned into a deadly retailation. Now a days they teach throws and how to basically drop you opponent/pin him/her into submission. It is still very painful and effective but can be deadly if you know what you are doing. Every grab or move can be adjusted to break the neck of your opponent or cause crippling/fatal damage.

Aikido is the most dangerous martial art out there. True masters are impossible to hit and the legendary Ueshiba was rumored to have been able to dodge bullets. Read about him or attend a seminar in a local dojo. You will think people are faking falling and such but if you try yourself you will see that they aren't.

by neomaverickninja May 18, 2005

Flag

Get the aikido mug.

Work aikido

Doing some bull crap while on the job, that doesn't really qualify as actual work. Something to do to look busy when a boss comes around, but not exerting any energy or really doing anything that is productive.

Nick, "Shit man, we got a code 'I'!"
Vance, "Yo, I'm a tenth degree black belt in Work aikido. Watch me arrange the shit out of those batteries!"
Vance "faces" batteries, bringing them to the forward.

Working at Walgreens reading a magazine at the front cash register. Boss man comes up, and you "top" the cigarettes. That means you push them down so they are all as packed tight towards the bottom rack as possible. "Way to go Vance, really keeping that cig display good looking. Gold star material!"

by VMoneyHos (V$) May 18, 2008

Flag

Get the Work aikido mug.

Aikido

A useless martial art where nobody actually spars when practicing and as a result everyone who does it gets their shit kicked in when they get in s real fight. Even if they did spar they would still get beaten into a pulp cause aikido moves are useless.

I've been doing aikido to see what it's like to get my ass beat by 8 year olds.

by Fat Cock King July 27, 2020

Flag

Get the Aikido mug.

aikido

The (martial) art of becoming one with the ground by being thrown onto it with increasing force.
or
The way of life through harmony with the universal force.

Jim Lahue is a wonderful aikido instructor.

by Dukhat March 31, 2003

Flag