Hey mom, how are you doing today? :D 

A completely normal sentence.

Kid: Hey mom, how are you doing today? :D

Mom: I died 34 years ago

Hey mom, how are you doing today? :D by Luigi One June 4, 2021

I feel like I had a real G moment today

Quote by Serena Williams at the conclusion of her victory speech at the 2010 Australian Open. Obviously a reference to the Gatorade commercials, but can be (and will be) taken out of context.

(wins AO) Serena Williams: I feel like I had a real G moment today!

(smokes some weed) Serena Williams: I feel like I had a real G moment today!

I feel like I had a real G moment today by falloutjr January 30, 2010

Last Today 

Another word for yesterday; the day before today

Me: “Hey did WiFi Rob come last today?”
Mom: “No he is coming today.”
Me: “Oh fuck ok.”

Last Today by WifiRob January 17, 2019

National Today Day 

The holiday that I made up for today

Person 1:"It's National Today Day!"

Person 2:"Sigh- I'll get the spork"

National Today Day by 7InchDictionary October 18, 2021

Not today, Jason 

A phrase to say affirmatively when you are about to call Jason and you remember that you’re mad at him.

Jason just popped into my head. Should I call him? NAH! Not today, Jason!

Not today, Jason by CallMeMaybe3435 February 6, 2022

Pickin bones today 

When a person has had enough bs child's play from someone and won't take it or waste their time dealing with it anymore to the point that they call the other out to become better or they're walkin. Usually done in a feisty but playful manor so as to not offend but give an opportunity to learn and grow. But if not up to speed they'll get left behind.

Enough is enough I'm pickin bones today.

Pickin bones today by Catirandafly October 21, 2016

Nice weather today 

a way to say "let's switch subject", typically when the conversation is getting heated

"I hate her so much"
"Nice weather today"

Nice weather today by sised March 15, 2021