Cooked your own spleen

"A well known expression for a newspaper closing" - David Mitchell

To put yourself into a unfortunate/self-damaging situation where the blame cannot be successfully shifted onto someone else i.e. Shooting yourself in the foot

Phil: Did you get to shag that slag from oceana?
James: Nah fam, got too wasted and passed out
Phil: You've cooked your own spleen, there!
James: I know, bruv

Mike G: Did you break up with Lydia?
Marcel: Nope. Told her I loved her by accident.
Mike G: CYOS.

Reginald Poshington: Hello there old chap! How goes it?
Rogers Chestertonmastercard IV: Not so well, I'm afraid old sport. I just heard back from the Regatta Club and it seems my work to further the segregation amongst the races within my rugby club, albeit a step back into the ways of the splendour of Uncle Adolf, served as a conflict of interests and hence they have heaved me from the running to become a partner. Daddy won't be pleased at all.
Reginald: Well then, old spice! You've cooked your own spleen, haven't you?
Rogers: In deed! This is TRULY a recipe for disaster

News of the world's last headline: "We've Cooked Our Own Spleen"

by theclassgeek November 9, 2012

Let that boy Cook

Allowing someone (male or female) to proceed to get their swag on (do them) by ceasing your hatred (hating); So that they may peacefully go about their activities that which excited your anger. This phrase was created by Lil B aka BasedGod former member of a music group called The Pack.

Person 1: SWAG! SWAG! SWAG! *Dancing to Lil B music*

Person 2: Omg!

Person 3: What happened?

Person 2: Why does he keep doing that dancing and yelling "swag"?

Person3: Man, let that boy cook!

by Basedworld Nigga July 28, 2012

Cooked cunt

Someone that is fried on drugs, usually meth or weed. Often looks and acts mentally disabled.

"Fuck off ya cooked cunt, ya nearly broke the bong"

Often used in a friendly way amongst Australians. "How ya been ya cooked cunt?"

by bunchbiccedcunts May 14, 2015

crooked as a Florida election

Inspired by the incompetence and blatant corruption, often both at the same time, seen in Florida elections since the year 2000.

Our city council is as crooked as a Florida election.

by james savik November 15, 2018

Cookess

A female goddess of the kitchen. She has a sexy confident way about her when she cooks. She is the master creator of memorable meals. She samples the food whilst cooking, and licks her lips slowly while doing so. She lives to see you take the first bite of her creation, an extension of her life’s self-expression. She won’t take no for an answer, as she raises the first bite to your lips!

Dang, she snapped! Look at the way she did that! She’s a master cookess!

by 333_MS November 1, 2019

Fry Cook At The Krusty Krab

Fry Cook At The Krusty Krab is what ghetto girls and middle-schoolers put in their social-media bio in an attempt to be funny. What it really means is that they are UNEMPLOYED

She is 23 years old and her Tinder Bio says she is a Fry Cook At The KRUSTY KRAB

Bruh that means that hoe is unemployed

by holy guacomole September 13, 2019

Will you cook my popcorn?

To cook someone's popcorn is to take their virginity (female)

Cam: Will you cook my popcorn?
Michael: Hell yeah! I'm cuming over right now
Cam: Okay don't forget the butter ;)

by SquishyBubbles February 10, 2015