second monitor

male birth control

A: do you have a gf?
B: nah, I have second monitor.

by Alex_Sobol February 13, 2022

Flag

Get the second monitor mug.

Pissed on the monitor

A phrase you say when something bad has happened but also after that another bad thing happens.

Sean: Hey man I’m sorry about your dog getting hit by that car yesterday.

Kyle: Yea man but you won’t believe what happened after that. My girlfriend called and broke up with me.

Sean: Wow you just pissed on the monitor!

by Krankëmz October 13, 2021

Flag

Get the Pissed on the monitor mug.

monititis

Monititis, commonly known as “computer poisoning,” occurs when a patient is subjugated, either through occupational obligation, or—shockingly and more commonly—through his own free will, to endless hours of staring directly at a monitor, including those of computers, televisions, smartphones, and similar devices. Common symptoms of this rapidly spreading virus include headache, nausea, vomiting, brain damage, obesity, and frying of the retina, with more severe symptoms including vision loss, heart failure, depression, employment loss, loss of friendship, loss of a social life in general, and an overall rapid decay in moral character.

More troubling, however, are recent studies concluding decisively that patients spending more than 4 hours/day in front of the computer are likely to experience an inexplicable yet overwhelming need to devote the rest of their day to similar activities, rendered hopelessly impotent in preventing further damage.

Monititis, either mild or severe, has been found in a staggering 86% of adults aged 18-50 tested in the United States, with infection rates disproportionately higher in males aged 18-24. Scientific studies have also, disturbingly, shown that 95% of infected patients are wholly unaware of their ailment. In rare cases, a patient may consciously discover the cause of discomfort; however, most of these patients will quickly, suddenly, and irreversibly forget their ascertainment, again rendering them helpless in taking reparative action.

Sick Guy: Owww…….fuck!

Healthy Guy: What’s wrong, dude?

Sick Guy: Monititis, man. I can’t fucking see straight anymore.

Healthy Guy: What the hell is monititis?

---five-second pause---

Sick Guy (angry and confused): What?!? What are you talking about?

Healthy Guy: Dude, you just said like five seconds ago that you were suffering from moni—

Sick Guy: Please, if you would EXCUSE me, somebody just added me on Facebook!

by monititis_poster November 17, 2010

Flag

Get the monititis mug.

Montoxing

The innevitable, involuntary detox forced by Mondays, often involving monpression

Shane: 'Wow you look rough!'
Brian: 'Yes mate I'm montoxing'
Shane: 'I knew it was serious'

by squapstars October 17, 2011

Flag

Get the Montoxing mug.

manitowocing

Verb: Planting evidence or items for evasion, elusion, collusion or any deceptive motive or action. Or a impromptu fabrication of some kind. Based off of the accusations made of the Manitowoc County Sheriff's office during the Steven Avery case. Similar to lip syncing being referred to as "I'm going to Milli Vanilli it".

How am I going to get them to break up? I'll be manitowocing a fake love note and placing it in his backpack later on. Or... My science project? I'll be manitowocing it later on tonight and just say my grandmother was in the hospital and I didn't have time to make it better.

by Juan Tescrue June 13, 2016

Flag