Monititis, commonly known as “computer poisoning,” occurs when a patient is subjugated, either through occupational obligation, or—shockingly and more commonly—through his own free will, to endless hours of staring directly at a monitor, including those of computers, televisions, smartphones, and similar devices. Common symptoms of this rapidly spreading virus include headache, nausea, vomiting, brain damage, obesity, and frying of the retina, with more severe symptoms including vision loss, heart failure, depression, employment loss, loss of friendship, loss of a social life in general, and an overall rapid decay in moral character.
More troubling, however, are recent studies concluding decisively that patients spending more than 4 hours/day in front of the computer are likely to experience an inexplicable yet overwhelming need to devote the rest of their day to similar activities, rendered hopelessly impotent in preventing further damage.
Monititis, either mild or severe, has been found in a staggering 86% of adults aged 18-50 tested in the United States, with infection rates disproportionately higher in males aged 18-24. Scientific studies have also, disturbingly, shown that 95% of infected patients are wholly unaware of their ailment. In rare cases, a patient may consciously discover the cause of discomfort; however, most of these patients will quickly, suddenly, and irreversibly forget their ascertainment, again rendering them helpless in taking reparative action.
More troubling, however, are recent studies concluding decisively that patients spending more than 4 hours/day in front of the computer are likely to experience an inexplicable yet overwhelming need to devote the rest of their day to similar activities, rendered hopelessly impotent in preventing further damage.
Monititis, either mild or severe, has been found in a staggering 86% of adults aged 18-50 tested in the United States, with infection rates disproportionately higher in males aged 18-24. Scientific studies have also, disturbingly, shown that 95% of infected patients are wholly unaware of their ailment. In rare cases, a patient may consciously discover the cause of discomfort; however, most of these patients will quickly, suddenly, and irreversibly forget their ascertainment, again rendering them helpless in taking reparative action.
Sick Guy: Owww…….fuck!
Healthy Guy: What’s wrong, dude?
Sick Guy: Monititis, man. I can’t fucking see straight anymore.
Healthy Guy: What the hell is monititis?
---five-second pause---
Sick Guy (angry and confused): What?!? What are you talking about?
Healthy Guy: Dude, you just said like five seconds ago that you were suffering from moni—
Sick Guy: Please, if you would EXCUSE me, somebody just added me on Facebook!
Healthy Guy: What’s wrong, dude?
Sick Guy: Monititis, man. I can’t fucking see straight anymore.
Healthy Guy: What the hell is monititis?
---five-second pause---
Sick Guy (angry and confused): What?!? What are you talking about?
Healthy Guy: Dude, you just said like five seconds ago that you were suffering from moni—
Sick Guy: Please, if you would EXCUSE me, somebody just added me on Facebook!
by monititis_poster November 17, 2010
Get the monititis mug.Fan#1: Hey! Do you know Motitis?
Fan#2: omg duh who doesn't?
Fan#1: I always liked you...
Fan#2: What? why didn't you tell me?
Fan#1: ...
Fan#2: bye James
Fan#2: omg duh who doesn't?
Fan#1: I always liked you...
Fan#2: What? why didn't you tell me?
Fan#1: ...
Fan#2: bye James
by Motitis May 20, 2019
Get the Motitis mug.Newly discovered disease where tumors start to grow in your brain and then spread throughout your body. Symptoms include rashing of the genital areas, sharp rectum pains, extreme head aches that last for days on end, troubled breathing, painful urination, extreme bowel movements, and constaint body odor. No cure is known. Puerto Rican's brought the disease over into the United States while smuggling drugs. Most prominent in the Northeastern area of Illinois due to the growing population of Puerto Ricans and drug use in that area.
by Professor Dr. James Dowel M.D. January 20, 2007
Get the Monitis mug.a condition where a person is under 4foot five and is known to have an inflammation of the small condition/ usuallya person who is socially awkward and has very few interactions with the opposite sex is said to suffer from migititis
unbelievably small individual - migititis
by gotta bounce, enjoy the club March 23, 2011
Get the migititis mug.Monicitis is the disease that causes a slew of negative side effects listed in the formal post listed above.
However, recent medical research at John Hopkins University has brought several new side effects to attention.
Including but not limited to;
-Posting false definitions attempting to undermind the work of Dr. Louis Tres
-Awful hair
-Absence of linguistic formalities. For instance, if there was a building that stood for grammatical integrity, monicitis would be the plane that crashed into it.
-STD's (Yes, monicitis is an STD that apparently causes more STD's)<--- Truly a medical anomaly.
Researchers at John Hopkins have also informed me that they are currently testing experimental medicine which could lead to an antidote(monicdote). More information on this "monicdote" will be posted as it is received.
However, recent medical research at John Hopkins University has brought several new side effects to attention.
Including but not limited to;
-Posting false definitions attempting to undermind the work of Dr. Louis Tres
-Awful hair
-Absence of linguistic formalities. For instance, if there was a building that stood for grammatical integrity, monicitis would be the plane that crashed into it.
-STD's (Yes, monicitis is an STD that apparently causes more STD's)<--- Truly a medical anomaly.
Researchers at John Hopkins have also informed me that they are currently testing experimental medicine which could lead to an antidote(monicdote). More information on this "monicdote" will be posted as it is received.
Timmuel - "Whoa that bitch just stepped up to mah boy lewey trey(Dr. Louis Tres)!"
Dr. Louis Tres - "Timmuel calm down my sweet chinchilla, its just the side effect of that nasty disease Monicitis."
Timmuel - "No wonder! No one with that disgusting disease could ever in any capacity be better than my boy Dr. Louis Tres!"
Dr. Louis Tres - "Timmuel calm down my sweet chinchilla, its just the side effect of that nasty disease Monicitis."
Timmuel - "No wonder! No one with that disgusting disease could ever in any capacity be better than my boy Dr. Louis Tres!"
by Dr Louis Tres January 21, 2010
Get the monicitis mug.by dillon mcfadden March 20, 2020
Get the Mosinitis mug.When a person who is troubled by the burden of owning a macbook. The side effects include unable to do homework, no sleep at night, and general loss of one's life. This is highly contagious and a person with this disease should seek help immediatly.
Olivia had such a bad case of macititis that she was removed from the science academy and forced t repeat freshman year.
by Ryan Bowens January 28, 2009
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