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not today dude

used when someone asks you to do something you don't have time to do. typically used when you are in the middle of planning a large project, or are otherwise really busy.
1st guy: "can you pick up a sanwich for me?"

2nd guy: "not today dude! I've got shit to do!"
not today dude by quebert September 26, 2007

i just made today my bitch

everything goes smoothly through out the day, no bullshit or drama
dick: man today was fuckin gay bruh
master: ha sucks because i just made today my bitch

I'm gonna Hillary Clinton today

Someone who Leaks emails and losses in presidential elections.
I'm gonna leak my email and then run for president and lose I'm gonna hillary Clinton today

NBC's Today Show 

A television news 'magazine' consisting of about five minutes of Amerocentric 'news-ish' stories and about fifty-five minutes of commercial advertisement, blatantly or obliquely passed off as news for sister/affiliated companies and conscripted glitterati.

News anchors Matt and Meredith are given scripted content about what they may say from corporate. They are allowed to discuss anything trivial as if it were news. Actual 'news', both foreign and domestic, left NBC Today Show with the removal of Jane Pauley and Bryant Gumbel. Nobody has seen a real interview on the morning 'news magazine' since that era.

It is believed that network executives were neutered or spayed by the executive branch of the US federal government between the years of 2000 and 2008, causing network news programs like NBC's Today Show to focus more on the then popular federal prime mandate: 'Buy more stuff.' NBC's Today Show translated this into 'Buy more of our stuff'.

It remains to be seen whether NBC's Today Show will regrow a pair of gonads and actually start reporting news again.
Ann Curry is the only person believed not to have thoroughly compromised her own standards in the process.
NBC's Today Show looks more and more like the Home Shopping Network. The only difference is that most people who watch it can't afford $200 for a suit jacket, even if Meredith pretends to claim it's such a 'steal'. Most of us don't generally wear more than $100 worth of cloths at a time, if we're lucky and find NBC's Today Show tremendously out of touch.
NBC's Today Show by gr33nman February 13, 2009

Suck Today's Dick

A term used to describe one's lack of motivation to commence the events of the day.
"Well, I guess it's time to suck today's dick! Catch you later."
Suck Today's Dick by Cory Lendon October 2, 2008

What did you eat today? 

An uncomplicated question to get people to talk.

It was first used by Marine in the summer of 2003 when he joined one of the elite guilds on Ragnarok Online. The people in the guild did not talk often, and being as talkative as he was, Marine broke the ice by asking everyone a simple question: What did you eat today?

It is a question that is easy to answer and concerns a topic that everyone can relate to (food); the perfect icebreaker.
In the summer of 2004:

Esperine: What did you eat today?
Alynia: I had pizza! o_o
Persona: Chicken D:
Verdande: Mmm.. noodles ;o
What did you eat today? by Marine October 7, 2004