Massachusetts Self Defense

Using a rifle, or an axe, to accomplish what a pistol or shotgun would normally be used for. Practiced in Massachusetts because the gun laws generally prohibit ownership and use of pistols.

When the cop arrived, the burglar was dead right there, and there, and there, and way over there. The homeowner had used a chainsaw to perform Massachusetts Self Defense.

by ue300 May 18, 2006

double standard defense

A comeback used as a defense by insecure morons when confronted with criticism. Usually something to the like of "Let's see you do better!" or "I'd like to see YOU try!" Everyone's heard it before.

Customer: This food is terrible!
Cook: Hey, let's see you do better! double standard defense used here
Customer: Fuck off, I can criticize even if I can't do the same!

Animator: This animation is really bad. Why would you make it in MS Paint and Movie Maker?
Fanimator: Hey, let's see you do better! double standard defense
Animator: Ok. (uploads video)
Fanimator: uhh...crap I'm a moron.

Audiophile: Wow, modern rap is the worst thing ever.
Rap listener: Hey, let's see you rap better! double standard defense
Audiophile: No.
Rap listener: Oh. Ok.

by Kyothine June 17, 2009

"my defense of fahrenheit is that 69° is ideal weather in fahrenheit but dead people weather in celsius"-Sun Tzu, The Art of War

"my defense of fahrenheit is that 69° is ideal weather in fahrenheit but dead people weather in celsius"-Sun Tzu, The Art of War

"Hey dude check this out, "my defense of fahrenheit is that 69° is ideal weather in fahrenheit but dead people weather in celsius"-Sun Tzu, The Art of War"

by octopine December 7, 2020

Zombie Defense

1) When one has become overly intoxicated and the Zombocalypse is in full swing, zombies will not know whether this person is food or a fellow flesh-eater.

Oh man, i just survived that first zombie wave. I just got really drunk. Its the best zombie defense.

by Vard-Face July 23, 2010

Moonwalk Defense

When you deny doing something wrong by admitting you committed the same wrongdoing only once at a different time or place.

Guy 1: I didn't wear black face in that picture because I only did it this one other time at a different party.
Guy 2: Yeah, great moonwalk defense.

by thenamesmurphy February 3, 2019

Self Defense

When somebody who's on MY side shoots someone, but not when it's somebody on YOUR side!

Person 1 : "Yeah, Person 4 shot Person 56 in self defense because he came at Person 4 with a knife."
Person 2 : "Oh, shame. I hope he's okay."
Person 1 : "Oh yeah, Person 5 shot Person 78 because he did the same thing."
Person 2: "Person 5? Isn't he one of those OdD nUmBeR people? Crazy how murderers get away with anything in this country.."
Person 1: "What"

by LordHookie April 28, 2022

Polar bear defense

When your getting mauled be a polar bear and you only have once option left. Stick your finger or fingers or fist is his anal cavity. This could result in three outcomes. 1- the polar bear doesn't like it and thinks your gay so he runs away. 2- the polar bear does like it so backs up to u and gives u the option to fuck him or die. You fuck him he let's u free. 3- he doesn't like or is offended by it and kills you on the spot. Which isn't all that bad cuz if you make him more mad he will kill you faster instead of dragging it out.

A man who had heard of Polar bear defense jumped in the polar bear pit and the zoo to swim with the polar bears and they weren't happy. He used polar bear defense and the polar bear let him fuck him Now he is a star on pornhub.

by cletus cccccccccccccccccho October 22, 2017