simp contract

A contract written to protect people from falling into the bottomless hole of simpery. The contract includes ten injunctions. These are as such:

I. Thou shalt not spend money on the object of simpery.

II. Thou shalt not ship the object of simpery with thine self.

III. Thou shalt not lay thine eyes on fanfictions or shippy fanart.

IV. Thou shalt not browse pictures of the object of simpery for more than ten minutes a day.

V. Thou shalt not watch more than thirty minutes of videos of the object of simpery a day.

VI. Thou shalt not gush about the object of simping on thy social media.
VII. Thou shalt not show any emotion towards the object of simping.

VIII. Thou shalt not say cheesy, cringey, corny, or crusty things about the members.
IX. Thou shalt not have more than ten pictures of the object of simpery at a time. Thou shalt also not have a single shirtless or sexy picture of them.

X. Thou shalt not become an egg--smooth-brained, hairless, and lacking of common sense.

Each injunction comes with a respective punishment.

Mike: "Dude, I signed the simp contract yesterday and I've never felt so protected in my life! It's like a form of insurance so I won't fall into the shame of simping ever again."
Jimmy: "It's too late for me, man. I already broke three of the rules and now I'm going to get punished for being a simp."

by eyelidlash July 20, 2021

Contactality

Word used by uneducated Pacific Islanders during an attempt to sound intelligent

- Meant to describe the similarities between the mentality and contact of a rugby game.

Word type = Afakasi

Half Mentality // Half Contact

Used by Pacific Island rugby players during post game interviews in order to sound intelligent but unfortunately create an even worse reputation for themselves.

“The game today was a very gud, I fink da bois did a very ekshalent job on da field today, good use of the ‘Contactality’ we lern at da training nek wik.

by Pashific Educashin April 16, 2019

ex contact

a person who used to be saved in your contacts list in your cell phone but you dont like them anymore so you deleted them from your contacts list

You: Oh, look some number texted me but its not saved in my phone so idk who it is.

Friend: Maybe its one of your ex contacts, you better not text back it could be your ex girlfriend or another one of your ex contacts

You: Good point... i'll just ignore it

by calaburrito July 1, 2009

just contact me through the app

What a woman tells a man that she met on Tinder when he asks for her number and/or a second date and she does not want to see him again.

You: I had a great time, it would be great to hangout again
Her: Me too
You: How can I get in touch with you?
Her: Just contact me through the app

by dutone October 24, 2019

bladder contraction

This is a cold weather problem. Everything contracts when it gets cold, including the bladder.

Ever notice that the urge to take a piss dramatically increases when you step out into the cold?

Yeah, I better take a piss before I go leave, it's cold as hell outside, I don't want to have bladder contraction issues.

by Charles_U_Farley March 12, 2011

contacts

Don't wear them to sleep.

Guy A: my friend wore contacts to sleep, and they got stuck on the back of her eye and she had surgery to remove them .... yeah

Guy B (deep voice): That's pretty G.

by collin z January 13, 2010

break contact

military term for retreating or to get out of a bad situation before it gets worse.

"that fat girl keeps talking to Brad."

"well he better break contact before he has a coyote date."

by blscott September 13, 2006