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wanker

While "to wank" means "to masturbate", the term "wanker" is seldom if ever used in British slang to denote "one who wanks". It is quite wrong to infer from somebody's being a wanker that they in fact wank (and vice versa), but of course, fair to assume they do in any case. Herein lies the genius of the insult: if you call someone a wanker, it's probably true, but only literally.

I suppose it all originates from our repressed Victorian sexualities, from back when everybody thought they were the only ones to suffer the secret shame of being an actual wanker.

Most children these days learn the word "wanker" long before they learn its literal meaning.
You're such a wanker.
Oh gosh! How did you know?

He lost both of his hands in a childhood kiting accident.
What a wanker!
by anonymous May 31, 2004
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a complete and utter wanker

Derogatory English slang for one who masturbates i.e. a jerk off.
That bloke's driving a Range Rover, what a complete and utter wanker
by confarga September 28, 2005
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Related Words

Wanker's Cramp

The Most Deadly of British Diseases
Marik- Somebody call an ambulance! This limey needs urgent medical assistance! Apparently he has Wanker's Cramp.
Joey- Oh no! Bakura, speak to me!
Bakura- Wanker's Cramp: The Most Deadly of British Diseases.
by J-T-G March 21, 2009
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wankering

Taking part in an act that will have you labeled as a wanker.
Pawan, would you stop wankering with those pokemon cards and come with us.
by MAN_WITH_PANTS October 29, 2004
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strava wanker

Usually male, uses the app strava, with obsession, to outdo his 'friends' and cycling companions on segments and trails. Can be seen at the end of segments looking at his phone to check if he has knocked a second off his time or if he has beaten a 'friend'. Will chase past anyone shouting STRAVAAAAAAA extremely loudly and scaring the shit out of you, with the added bonus of knocking you off your bike.

The air will turn blue if anyone beats his time, friendships will be lost and marriages destroyed.

Ultimate aim of a strava wanker is to achieve a 'KOM', king of the mountain! This is usually celebrated with joy, happiness and high fives, more fulfilling than the birth of his first born.
Did you see that arseholes fly past on his bike, he's such a strava wanker!
by science queen November 18, 2014
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Wind Wanker

Imaginary cumshots. or a parodie of wind waker legend of zelda.
a girl acting like they have a penis. Wind Wanker
by kermits asshole November 3, 2012
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Status Wanker

Someone who updates their facebook status at every opportunity. Continuously informing us of their every movement, mood change and achievement... A true Status Wanker believes that people are actually interested in their status updates.
16:00 Sami is having a bad day at the office.
17:02 Sami is glad to be home after a tough day at the office and can't wait to get a bath and settle down in front of the TV with a glass of wine and her superstar of a boyfriend
18:04 Sami is watching a brill film

"god how much of a status wanker is Sami updating her status every hour"
by Vincent Zippoff March 10, 2009
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