Masturbation

The thing everybody does, but no one will admit to doing.

Also called

Jacking off
Beating the meat
etc.

Person 1: Do you masturbaste?

Person 2: Uh... no... of course not... do you?

Person 1: No... why would I do that... It's gross...

Person 2: Of course... masturbation is bad...

by Teh Sexinator May 3, 2009

Madsturbation

The act of masturbating to vent anger. Usually practiced by teens who listen to Slipknot or Korn.

Madsturbation is widely frowned upon by the public, but it is a great way for weird kids to channel their hatred at their penises!

by Dillypoo November 3, 2009

emotional masturbation

v. 1. Making negative comment about oneself expecting a positive and opposite remark from another;

Jane "I'm fat" Dick "No you aren't"

by Ben Johnson October 4, 2004

violently masturbating

Niall Horan from One Direction was caught violently masturbating in Tokyo.

"Of all the boy band members I can't believe Niall was the one caught violently masturbating."

by 1directionfellow January 23, 2013

intellectual masturbation

Fascinating intellectual breakthroughs regarding reality, language, existence, knowledge, perception, or human behavior which are completely unprovable and utterly without use, and therefore of no real consequence to anyone. See also: philosophy

Etymology: the mental counterpart to masturbation; i.e. a process that is very pleasurable but hasn't accomplished anything at the end.

The Sapir-Whorf hypothesis states that language influences human thought, so that native speakers of different languages think about concepts in incommensurably distinct modes. Linguists and psychologists contend fiercely over the validity of this claim, oblivious to the fact that it is intellectual masturbation.

by samd12345 August 6, 2007

corporate masturbation

Any blatant and/or pointless flaunting or exhibition of a company's name (e.g. naming a sports arena after the owner), or ridiculously obvious product placement with the capitalistic intent of selling more of said product.

Ted Rogers' renaming of the SkyDome to the Rogers Centre was clearly an act of corporate masturbation.

by jasonisjericho June 1, 2006

chronic masturbation

The ritualistic abuse of ones private parts. Prefering self pleasurement over actual intercourse. Foresaking all others over his personal desires. I.E. is willing to masturbate whenever and wherever said person (male or female), is at the specific moment and time.
(see- sexy loser)

Kid #1: "... Damnit Eric! You don't do that in the ball pit at McDonald's!!!"
Kid #2: "Screw you, cumchugger!!" FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP...

by Supermanchild January 2, 2004