she's left-handed

A punchline to a popular joke involving a man and his wife who asks him a purely hypothetical question, "If I died, would you remarry". The punchline, for those of you who don't get it, is explained at the very bottom of the example.

A young married couple are taking a nice stroll down a long and rather winding road. There was a long way till they got home and there was plenty of time to have a long drawn-out conversation, so the wife decided to ask her husband a question she had on her mind for a long time:
Wife: "If I died, would you remarry."
Husband: "No, I love you too much to get married to a different woman."
Wife: "But you love being married, don't you? So honestly. You'd get remarried wouldn't you?"
Husband: *sigh* "Yeah, I guess I would get remarried eventually"
Wife: "Would you and your new wife live in our house?"
Husband: "Yeah, where else would we live"
Wife: "Would you take down all the pictures of me and you together?"
Husband: "Yeah, it would be very discourteous to her not to. I'd still keep the ones of me and you in my private drawer"
Wife: "Would you two sleep in our bedroom?"
Husband: "Yeah, where else would we sleep?"
Wife: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
Husband: "No, she wouldn't be able to. She's left-handed!"
Wife: ...
Husband: "SHIT!"
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explanation
Him saying that she's left-handed implies he already has someone to get remarried with, meaning he's been cheating on his wife.

by Barnakey August 19, 2006

one handed popcorn eater

a man or woman who goes to see a movie purely to pleasure themselves

dude, that guy is a one handed popcorn eater i just got jizz on my neck

by manfat June 28, 2003

left-handed cheese straightener

1. A complicated-seeming gadget, the purpose of which is nonexistent or difficult to discern. Popularized by comedian George Carlin in a skit where he explained that only in America was the patent for a left-handed cheese straightener already taken.

2. Something odd that can only be found in America.

Person 1: What the #$%&@ is that jumble of levers and pulleys supposed to be?
Person 2: Why, it must be a left-handed cheese straightener!

by Mlle. Plath April 2, 2006

heavy-handed

A term describing a generous bartender. This bartender always fills your pint glass to the brim and ensures you get your money's worth in any mixed drink.

"Jack sure is a heavy-handed bartender, there's just enough cranberry juice in this cranberry vodka to give it color."

"I'm starting to think Lisa is a cougar, she's always heavy-handed with attractive frat boys."

by Rena Jae November 2, 2011

caggie handed

Used to describe left handed people. Mainly used in the Midlands.

She's a bit caggie handed!

by Pumpkin15 June 9, 2016

short-handed

1) without any seemingly particular effort
2) in unfavorable circumstances
3) in a game of when your team is not on the power play
4) hand-over-fist in British English slang

Person a: can Sidney Crosby score short-handed, even after his injury of Jan 2011-Feb 2012?

Person b: we'll have to wait and see.

by Sexydimma November 16, 2014

squirrel-handed

To have a squirrel protruding from one's arm, in the place where one's hand generally resides.

Some people are squirrel-handed. Gregor is a weird name.
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Everyone is different. No two people are not on fire.
Awww.

by Fugerko.? December 30, 2003