Torridge turd tickler

An unelected pen pusher who works for district government who derives pleasure from tickling random floaters left in public toilets. They will normally perform this ritual after screwing a smaller branch of local government out of assets.

Jen: Hey Wallace
Wallace: Hey Jen, hows it going?
Jen: It's going great. I've just stripped another asset from a town council, so I'm of down the public loos to perform a Torridge turd tickler to celebrate.

Wallace: Sounds good. Hope someones left a nice curler for you

by C.H.Ungs October 16, 2019

King Shit of Turd Mountain

Someone who believes that they are at the top of the pecking order, when in reality, they aren't, and the pecking order they think they're top of is also shit.

John thinks he's the best chessplayer in the club. Isn't he just King Shit of Turd Mountain.

by P.S. Taker July 24, 2011

You can't polish a turd

You can't make something that's not naturally good great even with the hardest attempts.

"After years, he's just never going to change his selfish ways." "Well, you can't polish a turd!!"

by SarcasticSeminar101 August 3, 2015

snow turd

The build up of snow and or ice which falls off of moving vehicles and rolls out from underneath it.

"Hey Dave, check out that huge snow turd that came out from underneath that truck!"

by Timothy D. Wilson November 1, 2006

turd necklace

A person that has no game or skills when it comes to picking up persons of the opposite sex. This person is a detrament to hooking up due to their lack of style regarding dress or lack of social skills. They are a TERRIBLE wing-man.(It is as if you were wearing a necklace with a turd hanging from it) Your chances are nearly zero of hooking up with this person in tow.

-I couldnt hook up on spring break because I had the "turd necklace" with me all week.
-We met two hotties but the "turd necklace" dropped the ball.
-We never hook up when we bring the "turd necklace" with us.

by J.C. Price May 4, 2009

Turd High

Intoxication from inhaling extremely pungent (usually male) fecal fumes causing the receipient to expeience a temporary "high"

After eating a hot pastrami burrito the night before, Scott came out of the bathroom inchoherent, suffering from a turd high.

by Pfc. Snowball August 14, 2008

turd deli

A rather clever term for one's butthole.

Just fed the toilet from my turd deli.

by @RaunchyGenius January 20, 2014