Fig Newtons

The pathetic substitute for real cookies like oreos or chips ahoy. Often bought by overprotective, health-conscious mothers.

-Hey little Johnny, do you want dessert?

-Ya mom! What's there to eat?

-Fig Newtons

-Fig Newtons? Fuck you, mom.

by Barnaby J. August 8, 2008

Sig Fig

a person whose personality fades when they become attached to their significant other's Figure. They begin to like only what their signficant other likes, even if they used to like it before, and even in some cases, including their friends and family. In essence, they change themselves to match their new lover's personality better, much to the dismay of their friends and family. Person has no problems ditching their friends and family for whatever their new lover wants to do.

She becomes a total Sig Fig whenever she gets a new boyfriend and never talks to her friends.

by Ophelia Stratford April 4, 2011

fig newton

the most addicting cookie ever on the planet earth

I just ate a whole bag of fig newtons

by misaki December 28, 2005

go figs

An apocopation of the colloquial phrase 'go figure.'

John: Tom Cruise came out of the closet today.
Peter: Go figs.

by Arunnur November 30, 2011

fig twoton

n. a giant fig newton.

Holy fuck that fig newton is like twice the normal size. It's a Fig Twoton!

by Loren Newman September 9, 2005

Figs Hat

A winter hat worn my many adolescents and adults. They come in a variety of patterns and colors; are characterized by their earflaps and pom-poms.

Boy 1: Dude look at his hat!
Boy 2: Its AWESOME!

Girl: its a Figs Hat! I have one, its blue.

by iLoveFigsHatss March 7, 2010

Fig Newton

A mediocre guy either in looks, personality, or both. And although he is average in every way, he thinks he is basically Ryan Reynolds.
While they may stay fig newtons forever it is possible for them to transform into something…like an Oreo…..or even a chocolate chip cookie.
While they are rare, fig newtons can also be female.

Examples: Jeff and Lester from the TV show Chuck
Dwight from the office.

Frollo from Hunchback of Norte Dame
Farquad from Shrek
Prince Charming from Shrek 2
Hans from Frozen
J’son (Starlord’s ‘Dad’) from Guardians of the Galaxy 2
Mr. Collins from Pride and Prejudice (honorable mention Mr. Wickham)

Yeah, we talked a bit. But, he was a bit of a fig Newton so I’m not interested.

Oh, nah! He a fig newton.

He got that fig newton haircut.

He talks like a fig newton.

He was the figgiest of newtons.

by notafignewton March 26, 2022