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Monkey Toss

To jizz in your own hand and throw it across the room... preferably toward a small, easily scared animal outside your window.
With the quickness only an expert monkey tosser can have, Gary quickly rubbed one out and chucked it across the lawn at the neighbors dachshund.
by Rock Hardy August 20, 2007
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Dirty Monkey

When a girl lies on her back legs up & the guy squats(catchers position). While thrusting and yelling like a monkey, the guy discreetly shits in his hand & throws it in her face.
After leaving Marks, Michael took Nancy back to Blake and Sarah's. Where he gave her the Dirty Monkey on there kitchen floor!
by Spainard October 23, 2011
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porch monkey-spear chucker

Get off my porch you god damn porch monkey-spear chucker!!!
by B-rad G September 20, 2005
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Feeding the Monkey

When one does something they know they shouldn't do.
Often used in poker terms, where someone calls hands they shouldn't, but applicable to several life situations.
Origins come from zoo patrons who feed the monkeys, ignoring the signs prohibiting such conduct. Usually in return the monkeys throw their feces at them.
"Wow... Patrick just lost like half his chip stack.." 'Yeah.. he keeps feeding the monkey."

"I'm so full.. but it's ALL YOU CAN EAT." "You're going to pay for it later if you keep feeding the monkey man..."
by JHall1790 January 11, 2009
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freight monkey

One who performs manual labor in material handling, dockworkers, loaders, pickers and packers stockers, shippers and receivers.
He's just a freight monkey.

Get some freight monkeys over here to unload this truck
by slipsheet October 31, 2004
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Squirrel Monkey Rodeo

An impossible or seemingly impossible assignment or request. A task so time consuming, daunting or complicated that you feel you may as well have been asked to round up Squirrel Monkeys (A basic assumption must first exist that Squirrel Monkeys are pretty fucking hard to round up).
I got back from my two week vacation and a Squirrel Monkey Rodeo was in my fucking in-box. I'm going to castrate the piece of shit who was supposed to work my mail while I was out!

I have to drop the kids off at soccer practice and then go grocery shopping, pick the dog up from the vet, and pick up the dry cleaning in time to go back and pick up the screaming maggots from soccer practice again. What a fucking Squirrel Monkey Rodeo!
by The Broodwich June 13, 2007
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Accounts Monkey

Somebody in a dead-end role that the careers adviser informed you would be great, but in fact is picking up up crap after (supposedly) senior staff and means a lifetime of pushing paper around pointlessly.
(In discussion between managers) "Who can we get to do this amazingly menial and pointless job?"
"Pass it to the Accounts Monkey, he's such a loser"
by Christophopopolous June 25, 2007
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