church cervixes

What are available at da chapel's erectory as an after-sermon incentive for cranky hot-in-da-crotch teenage boys to attend said boring hypocritical speeches.

Clergy may actually have to resort to offering church CERVIXES to get da community's youths to come to the church SERVICES, if merely serving "ice cream sunday" portions fails to attract them.

by QuacksO January 28, 2023

church (h)usher

A Sunday-services attendant whose purported task is merely to see to da needs of da parishioners, but whose real job is to quell noisy stir-crazy children who would much rather be playing outside in da fresh air and sunshine, rather than being compelled to sit still and keep quiet inside a stuffy musty meeting-hall for two hours.

If churches would offer more-generous helpings of ice cream and/or an erectory as incentives to attend their boring sawdusty-dry sermons, there would likely be less need for church (h)ushers to be on hand to deal with crankily-impatient youngsters and teenage boys.

by QuacksO January 30, 2023

The π = 3 Church

When believers subscribe to the uncompromising view that any numbers or fractions mentioned in, or mathematical constants derived from, the Bible must be taken literally with zero room for approximation, adulteration, or subtraction.

Founded by a group of Bible literalists-turned-theomaticians, the π = 3 Church has so far failed to appeal to pre-believers and the converted, especially those who’re allergic to school or college math, despite regularly distributing free pies and pizzas to the poor in the community.

by Fasters February 12, 2023

Church Hen

A woman, often a widow or spinster, who is very actively involved with her local church but for reasons of self-importance, the opportunities afforded for gossip, loneliness or boredom rather than strong religious belief.

The church hens were furious at the changes made by the new Vicar.

by ThePillenwerfer February 15, 2023

SFC ( Safe for Church )

Content that is that dose not oppose religious values.

"The artist won't draw LGB characters. Her commissions are all SFC ( Safe for Church )"

by NatorGreen7000 February 16, 2023

Speech About Church

Means to listen to whoever about the speech about church.

Speech About Church!

by Dr. Deloris January 29, 2024

The Church

That's your fucking story? That the church swooped in and stopped all the raping and pillaging?

Hym "Holy shit you ACTUALLY did it! You gave the church credit for stopping rape. Go watch it. Everybody was raping and pillaging. Then the agricultural revolution happened and the people who hoarded resources started out-reproducing everyone. Then the church came along marriage saved everyone from rape... Except nobody told Christopher Columbus because I'm pretty sure his guys were raping and pillaging. There's some skepticism around it regarding his diary claiming that in his diary he told them not to rape. I know you're going to say here 'Columbus didn't work for the church!' And he didn't fucking have to you idiot. If the 'central guiding ethos' is the cause of everything that happens in a culture then it's the central guiding ethos. And as far as the bible is concerned, rape is rewarded. If you rape someone, according to the bible, you have to take the person as your wife. So, it's like pissing on a tree. There are MEN who ALMOST get raped in the bible. And the guy is like 'No, please, take my prostitute and daughter instead.' And take the daughter and prostitute they did. They didn't like the prostitute. They chopped her up pretty good. But it actively takes credit for every moral advancement humans make in real time. It didn't do that. It just unified the whites under one banner and the it came for eberyone else. Still, it's closer to MY theory of historical inter-sexual relationships than the red-pill dorks so... CORRECT AGAIN! The correctest man strikes again!"

by Hym Iam November 13, 2023