Absolute legend

It means you are an epic being who needs to be alive

Oh my god you absolute legend

by Oscy0 September 12, 2020

absolute shit

When something is so terrible, you literally feel like gouging both eyes out immediately and cutting your hands clean off.

Guy 1: Did you see that Google is now trying to integrate the disgusting Google+ with YouTube?
Guy 2: Yeah, that's absolute shit man, I really wish I didn't have eyes or hands at this point in time.

by TheWordMan November 30, 2013

absolute retard

someone who is especially retarded, that you need to give them a special label

dan:"i heard amy is going out with ricky."
john: "fake news you absolute retard

by the original Apple December 27, 2019

You fool, you blongus, you absolute utter clampongus

Say this to someone who did something dumb.

Ben: i touched the orb after being told not to, now I'm in jail.
Jeff: why did you do that?
Ben: idk
Jeff: you fool, you blongus, you absolute utter clampongus.

by The person who does things. December 7, 2020

absolutepunk.net

A site created by Jason Tate, in which members and public alike can read about band news. If you visit the forums, be prepared to interact with sarcastic assholes.

babyboi2221: The Blood Brothers broke up
girlygurl938: omg no wai where did u read that
babyboi2221: I read it on absolutepunk.net.. I will send you the link.

by aaa75r5yt December 22, 2008

absolutely

The one word that will get your boss / parent / authority figure to give you the "deer in headlights" look and leave you alone. Regardless of what is being discussed; i.e. 1)drawn out over explained instructions on how to do a simple task 2) Typical Parental Lecture 3)"Do You Know Why I Pulled You Over?" situations.

Instructions On Use: Step One - Wait For Pause In
Assailents Ranting
Step Two - Make Convincing And Direct
Eye Contact
Step Three - Say "Absolutely Boss, Dad
, Officer, Etc."
Step Four - Walk Away And Proceed Going
About Your Business

BOSS: "Hey (your name) Im glad I found you. Look Ive got a
bit of a situation. You see Tim was sick today, and
that means that his typical collateral duties of
emptying the trash in the managers office hasnt
been completed. I know you know how big an issue
this is. I mean wow if I could just get you to..."

YOU: "Absolutely" (remember to lock eyes and put on your
best "Im not stupid" face)

BOSS: .............

YOU: (proceed to carry on about your business as if nothing
happened)

by Odiumnox December 21, 2005

Absolute Unit

A person or object, who is large in the sense nothing can get in their way.
e.g. Martin Najemi

Oh, Look over at Martin Najemi, That absolute unit just barged through that crowd!

by AbsoluteUnit999 February 11, 2020