When you work for a company that feels you couldn't do any better and should be privileged to work there. Boss makes you feel incompetent at every turn and has his favorites.
Oh great... here comes Brian to perform more Office Abuse on all of us. Cant wait to find another job.
by Jackpot!cs February 4, 2021
Get the Office Abusemug. Flex Officer (noun):
An elite-tier desk goblin who lives rent-free under the Captain’s desk, occasionally surfacing to breathe through their nose holes and remind everyone that “they’re special.” Born from the unholy union of nepotism and weaponized whining, the Flex Officer is the workplace equivalent of a trust fund baby who thinks mopping is a hate crime.
They don’t work at the jail — they grace it with their presence.
They don’t get mandated — they get massaged.
Their radio isn’t even connected — it’s just Bluetooth synced to Spotify where they’ve got a playlist titled “Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss.”
Key Attributes:
• Can hold their breath under a desk for 2 hours straight if Daddy Captain is rubbing their back and whispering, “You’re my little soldier.”
• Cries “unfair!” with the power of a soap opera widow anytime someone asks them to… do their actual job.
• Works half a shift, takes a full lunch, and still needs a mental health day from the trauma of watching other people do things.
Hierarchy of Enablers:
• Daddy Captain: Wears khakis so tight you can hear his thighs beg for help. Bends rules like he bends over to scratch the Flex Officer’s belly.
• Mommie Lieutenant: Pretends to discipline but calls them “my baby” when no one’s looking.
• Uncle Lou: Definitely has something sketchy going on!
Fun Fact:
The Flex Officer once got an award for “Most Improved” after showing up to roll call on time… once… in 2019.
An elite-tier desk goblin who lives rent-free under the Captain’s desk, occasionally surfacing to breathe through their nose holes and remind everyone that “they’re special.” Born from the unholy union of nepotism and weaponized whining, the Flex Officer is the workplace equivalent of a trust fund baby who thinks mopping is a hate crime.
They don’t work at the jail — they grace it with their presence.
They don’t get mandated — they get massaged.
Their radio isn’t even connected — it’s just Bluetooth synced to Spotify where they’ve got a playlist titled “Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss.”
Key Attributes:
• Can hold their breath under a desk for 2 hours straight if Daddy Captain is rubbing their back and whispering, “You’re my little soldier.”
• Cries “unfair!” with the power of a soap opera widow anytime someone asks them to… do their actual job.
• Works half a shift, takes a full lunch, and still needs a mental health day from the trauma of watching other people do things.
Hierarchy of Enablers:
• Daddy Captain: Wears khakis so tight you can hear his thighs beg for help. Bends rules like he bends over to scratch the Flex Officer’s belly.
• Mommie Lieutenant: Pretends to discipline but calls them “my baby” when no one’s looking.
• Uncle Lou: Definitely has something sketchy going on!
Fun Fact:
The Flex Officer once got an award for “Most Improved” after showing up to roll call on time… once… in 2019.
You: “Why the hell am I getting mandated again?”
• Sergeant: “Flex Officer said he has emotional allergies to night shift, so Daddy wrote him a note and gave him a juice box.”
• You: aggressively Googling ‘how to fake your own death with minimal paperwork’
• Sergeant: “Flex Officer said he has emotional allergies to night shift, so Daddy wrote him a note and gave him a juice box.”
• You: aggressively Googling ‘how to fake your own death with minimal paperwork’
by BigDaddyBear53 July 4, 2025
Get the Flex Officermug. No officer, I did not rape those 30 innocent children and then proceeded to hide them in my basement
by GenderBender123 September 20, 2021
Get the Officermug. offspring of (a) Salvation Army officer(s) born before the said officer(s) enter training school. Not to be confused with officer's brat.
abbreviated O.K.
abbreviated O.K.
by placemat January 23, 2009
Get the Officer's kidmug. Thatnk you Officer Tatum! I'll take that "W" Uh-Thankyouverymuch! Not taking any... Um... What's the other one? What's the other letter? Let's see... There's winning... And then there's.... Hmm... What's the opposite of winning? Um... Look, I don't know. I wouldn't know. But, whatever, I'll take that "W" now... What IS that other word?
Hym "See that!? Officer Tatum says 'THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CHRISTIAN NATIONALISM AND CHRISTIANITY!' You hear that shit-heads!? You know what THAT means? CORRECT AGAIN!!! I've never NOT been correct! It's the SAME THING! The entire point of the religion is taking over the land they occupy, dissolving the individual by deferring credit their book demon, and hoarding all of the resources so you have to join their incest cult! That's why they keep getting genocided! Putrid, clawing zombies, all of them!"
by Hym Iam March 17, 2024
Get the Officer Tatummug. Nigga in LS who's about to rip your ass up if u try him. He usually hangs with T. Faubourg. Words on street is that he took so many drugs and dracos from every nigga around LS, he doesn’t even declare them anymore.
by shitforeal May 25, 2020
Get the Officer H. PRATTmug. To be blamed for the incompetence or mistakes of others usually ending in reprimand or jail. Derived from the British Post Office scandal of 2023. Same context as “thrown under the bus”
by PostmansHorizon January 20, 2024
Get the Post Officedmug.