Iraqi Massage

1. Joe's price of admission into a cult.
2. Andrew's second income.

I'll take another Iraqi Massage please. Its lonely and I need to get the sand out of my peen

by BackwardsRetard April 12, 2023

Samoan massage

Deep tissue by a big ass samoan, or by your sister who don’t give two shits how much you cryin.

ma sista gave me one hell of a “Samoan massage” almost thought it was uncle sa’o.

by Taumaoe April 21, 2023

man massage

Firm massage from one of your dawgs for pleasure. Gay unless it's one of your dawgs then it's acceptable.

Me: Yo Dawg come give me one of those Man Massages to pleasure myself

by JakeypooMaurice May 11, 2023

Kiss Massage

Kneading of the full body with kisses

I owe you a Kiss Massage

by Strayjack1 December 12, 2023

Indian Massage Therapy

The act of fingering your homies booty hole until they clench.

Yo I’m bouta give you the best Indian massage therapy tonight.

by dr giggle touch January 25, 2024

Texas Massage

A massage using barbecue sauce instead of traditional massage oils.

Ryan- “Any plans this weekend?”
Howdy- “I may find a lady of the night to give me a Texas massage”

by RiverofJudgment July 25, 2024

Fingerprinting Massage

A speculative, avant-garde, or dystopian wellness practice where the masseur’s technique is centered on meticulously harvesting the client’s fingerprints during the session. Instead of kneading muscles, the practitioner uses high-fidelity scanning pads, fine clays, or pressure-sensitive films embedded in their fingertips to capture a perfect map of the client’s unique epidermal ridges. This is performed under the guise of “bio-mapping for personalized energy work” or “dermatoglyphic stress analysis,” but the true product is the biometric data. It’s the ultimate fusion of faux-spiritual self-care with covert identity theft, turning relaxation into a data harvest.

Example: “The new spa offered a ‘Fingerprinting Massage for Chakra Alignment.’ The therapist said she was ‘reading my energy pathways through my unique prints.’ An hour later, I was deeply relaxed, and my biometric login at work was mysteriously compromised. She didn’t just release my knots; she copied my keys.”

by Abzunammu February 2, 2026