mitch hedberg

This guy is funny as shit. He must be stoned 24-7 to come up with the things he does. Buy his CD.

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it

I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughtnut...I don't need a receipt for the doughnut - I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, Don't even act like I didn't buy a doughnut, I've got the documentation right here...

opened up a container of yogurt, and under the lid it said Please Try Again because they were having a contest I was unaware of. But I though I might have opened the yogurt wrong...or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me, 'c'mon, Mitchell, don't give up. Please try again. A message of inspiration from your friends at Yoplait. Fruit on the bottom, hope on top.

I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shishkabobs.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once. They're fucking relentless.

An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."

Because of dropping Acid, I know now that butter is way better than margarine. I saw through the bullshit.

by dolphin March 8, 2005

Mitchell

The most amazing person in the world.

Great sense of humour.

Amazing body.

Eyes that you can't look away from.
Lovely lips.

A good person.

Someone you can't live without.
Someone that can brighten your day
with a smile or a hug.
That does really cute things.
Computer geek, but still cute.

Girl 1: I love my boyfriend so much!
Girl 2: Do you have a Mitchell?
Girl 1: Yeah, how did you know?

by MrsChubs. July 24, 2011

mitchapalooza

The party of the century. A party where the beer flows, mitch gets ho's, and a wiff of bolognese hits the nose. Mitchapalooza is basically heaven on earth.

After Mitchapalooza, I can die a happy man.

by mitch's pimp January 12, 2008

Mitch'ed

Verb. When you are told to be at a specific place at a specific time only to wait several hours before being told to go home.

I was told to be at the job site at 8am only to be Mitch'ed and head home around 2pm.

by Twinkletits2017 January 31, 2018

Mitchell Robinson

The best shot blocker in the NBA. He’s a future goat, all star, and hall of famer.

Person 1: Did you just see Mitchell Robinson posterize LeBron James and then come back and block his shot right after?!

Person 2: I know man, he’s crazy good...

Person 1: Yeah, future MVP right there.

by Gangganglevinegang May 2, 2019

mitch mcconnell

Acting as a bitch! Ignoring facts and pretending to know everything.

Melissa is a mitch!

What do you mean?

She has been a mitch mcconnell whole semester.

by Ray mo October 5, 2019

gillian mitchell

A complete and utter moron lacks common sense and brain cells. Has the equivalent brain mass of a rooster.

Considers monkey wrench to be a sexual reference.

Constantly eats llama meat.

"SWAG SWAG SWAG," Rebecca
"Your such a Gillian Mitchell."

by BruceWayne October 22, 2012