Santa Claus 

Yes, I am real. And if you don't believe in me you can catch these holiday hands you hoe hoe hoe.

I left Santa Claus fatass some celery instead of cookies and I woke up to deer shit on my bed.

Santa Claus by FrootyLoopy June 23, 2020

Santa Claus 

An old fat man in a red suit with small little men and abnormal reindeer that stalks you every year so he knows if he can break into your house and to give you gifts on December 25.

I got gifts from Santa Claus

Santa Claus by Lily Mann December 15, 2020

Santa Claus 

A creepy stalker who watches children 24/7 and makes a “naughty list” the uses this list to choose which children’s houses to break into and steal milk and baked goods, which undoubtedly contributes to his obesity. We don’t know much about him, but this old (probably in his 1000s) creep has gained the trust of children worldwide. The only question is, “Is Santa Claus coming to your town?”

Me: Hey, I just heard something on the roof!
Macaulay Culkin: I’ll go get em.
Me: but what if it’s Santa Claus?
Macaulay Culkin: You’re right... I’ll bring extra bricks!
Me: good thinking! Now go put an end to that creep!

Santa Claus by iabast December 25, 2020

Santa Claus 

A man who gets off on watching children 24/7 and making a list of Those who are nice, and those who are “naughty” he uses this list to choose his targets and break into their houses. He is often depicted as obese due to the fact that he lives exclusively off of stolen baked goods and dairy products, but in reality he must be RIPPED from all of the walls he scales and he has to be fairly lean in order to squeeze down all those chimneys. Mose people believe he gets around so fast because of a majical slay and a team of flying reign deer with LED noses, but this is very unlikely because he would be so easy to spot. It is much more plausible that the child stalking creep with so many different names is actually riding around in a white van to blend in with the snow and to have room for all of his “gifts” that he’s used to gain children’s trust worldwide! The only question remaining is, “is Santa Claus coming to your town?”

Me: I think I just heard something on the roof!
Macaulay Culkin: I’ll go deal with it.
Me: Wait! It could be Santa Claus!
Macaulay Culkin: Your right... I’ll bring extra bricks.
Me: Good idea! Now go put an end to that creep!

Santa Claus by iabast December 25, 2020

Santa Claus 

A mysterious fat entity, said to dress in red clothing, that sneaks into houses and steals food. The common scientific name for this strange, rotund creature is "Homo holidayus". It is also known to enslave caribou to carry it's fat self to more food. One field study conducted near this creature's home base revealed another major fact: He also enslaves dwarfed human beings. Also observed was a caribou with a strange, glowing red nose.

Person 1: Did you hear about the cookie thefts last night?
Person 2: Yeah, they were caused by the infamous Santa Claus.

Santa Claus by -_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_- January 5, 2021

Santa Claus 

A white bearded hippie who wears a red suit, boots, a red night cap, carries a bottomless burlap sack & is homies with rudolph & 8 other reindeer, yukon cornelius, a prospector who rescued rudolph & hermy from the abominable snowman named bumble, tamed bumble & had bumble put the star on tree then eventually, he discovered & opened up a peppermint mine. hermy, an elf who obviously wanted to have a career as a dentist so he also had permission from his boss to become one, gave the misfit toys to good homes, flies all over the world yearly & delivers good people what they deserve unless they get out of line!

Santa Claus is a true hippie when it comes to peace on earth!
Santa Claus:Ho, Ho, Ho!!, Merry Christmas, Homies!

Santa Claus by RealG92 April 9, 2017

Santa Claus 

A pedophile who looks for children. He comes (cum) when it snows. He gives children dick shape candies. He has four ho(es) including Mrs.Claus. He sees everything a child does.

Santa Claus is a pedophile

Santa Claus by N3erd lover November 29, 2018