A Freeman (who can also be a woman) is a conservative working-or middle-class American individual who drinks domestic
beer, likes to fish and hunt and enjoys
football,
baseball and NASCAR. A Freeman will often display a disproportionate amount of pride relative to his or her social and economic status. This pride often manifests itself as a penchant for
big vehicles with large wheels which gives the impression to the Freeman that he or she is "riding
high" or intimidating to everybody on the road who is driving smaller vehicles. Many Freemen harbor the paranoid suspicion that the
government wants to confiscate their firearms so they will bumper sticker their cars with placards that read, "You can pry my
gun from my
cold dead hands." Freemen comprise the majority of patronage for many US companies like WalMart and McDonald's and are the largest contributors to state and Indian reservation gambling enterprises across the country. Ninety percent of white prison inmates are Freemen and 9 out of 10 country albums are purchased by Freemen (the other 1 out of 10 country albums are purchased by music critics who then sell or donate that country music album to a secondhand music-or
book-store). While often parodied on TV (SNL's skit "Appalachian ER," for instance) and in larger sophisticated cities like Boston and L.A., Freemen are widely respected in most parts of Middle
America where they are viewed as a type of vital backbone to the nation. Without Freemen WalMarts would be hard pressed to find cashiers, the truck driving industry would
grind to a halt and practically every casino outside of Las Vegas and Atlantic City would have to file for bankruptcy.
-The
skit Appalachian ER on SNL is offensive to Freemen everywhere.
-Why do you care? You're not a Freeman.
-I know, but my
dad is a Freeman. He likes Johnny Cash, smokes Marlboros and drives a
Ford F-150.
I'm proud to be an American! I'm a Freeman!
