Elderly folk who escape from their
cold native habitats to the warm and
dry desert of
Arizona from
November-April every year. While local shopkeepers, innkeepers, and other employees of the service industry may tell them that their dollar is welcome, every native son and daughter of the desert prays for the
day the temperature gets above 90 degrees. That is the point that
people from the regions known as the Midwest, Canada, and the East Coast board their land barges, manufactured by companies such as Buick, Lincoln, and Winnebago and begin their trek back to the colder lands.
While the locals will tell the snowbirds that they are welcome, the are truly nothing more than intruders and interlopers in our fair desert home. They make up for
1/2 of the traffic during their season, yet they find every loophole to keep their vehicles registered out of state, thus forcing the locals to pay for all the damage that they cause to the road. They carry an arrogant attitude that says "I'm spending my money here, treat me
like royalty."
Snowbirds would be considered little more than a harmless nuisance if it were not for the fact that they are allowed to drive here in
Arizona. Local drivers here in
Arizona (the ones with
Arizona Tags) are scientifically proven to be the most hopelessly stupid
people ever to sit behind a steering wheel. Unfortunately, add lost drivers with slowing revlexes,
poor vision, and vehicles the size of small apartments and there is little reason as to why car insurance is so high out here.
Spotting Tips: Look for cheap diner-style resturaunts such as Villiage Inn or Denny's which serve food that can be afforded on a so called "fixed income" (
whatever that is). The snowbirds can typically be spotted here. When approaching these parking lots, give the snowbirds a wide berth, as they will often perform a fifty-two point turn to get into their space. Their average time (this has been clocked) in successfully backing out of a space is typically four minutes and twenty three seconds, so if you are in a hurry, steer clear.
1. I went to the supermarket to get a gallon of Milk today, but it took me
six hours because the Snowbirds in
front of me argued over the expiration dates of their uncut coupons. They then proceeded to pay for their groceries with a
check.
2. The snowbird paid for his $14 pizza delivery with unrolled change and did not tip the driver.
3. The snowbird did not see the light turn green, and sat still for the entirety of the light, despite the mile-long line of cars honking at her.
