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jehovah trick 

A trick/excuse claiming to be a Jehovah's Witness. Used when purposely/accidentally forgetting holidays/occasions.
"What did you get your girlfriend for Christmas?"
"I used the jehovah trick on her so I didn't have to get her anything."
jehovah trick by littoivan March 17, 2008

jehovah's witnesses 

An extremely annoying cult that brainwashes little children into not excepting blood transfusions to save their life. If you are baptized and want to leave, they will "disfellowship" you and the consequences are that your family and friends who are JW's are not allowed to associate with you anymore.

They are a bunch of hypocritical fanatic bible thumpers who criticise all non-JW's, but just sit around in their Kingdom Halls and talk about how good they are and how bad everything in the world is. They just sit there and discuss the same fucking thing during every meeting.

The are a complete waste and drain on society and the economy. They do not contribute positive in anyway. They are just sitting around waiting for the world to end, which when it does all JW's will get into the new system and all non-JW's will be killed by god!
Husband: How was your day, dear?
Wife: Oh, two Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on the door at 7am this morning and I immediately told them I was disfellowedshipped. The two young men screamed like girls and ran back to their car.
Husband: Where's dinner?

jehovah's witness repellent 

Step 1: Say you worship the devil or are the devil.

Step 2: Those cowards will run away screaming.
*Jehovah's Witness knocks on man's door*
Witness: Hello, sir, do you have time to talk about his Holy Grace Lord and Saviour Jesus?
Michael: GET OUT OF HERE OR I WILL CURSE YOU FOR I am SATAN! *starts flailing and rolling on the floor*
* Witness runs away*
Jehovah's Witness repellent
See? Easy.

Jehovah's Witnesses 

Let me first say I am a Jehovah's Witness so what I am going to say is what we actaully believe in.

Jehovah is the name of God and we are His witnesses to carry on His word through the Bible.

We do not believe in the Trinity, Jehovah is God and Jesus is His son.

We believe blood transfusions are wrong and this is because in the Bible it says not to use the blood of others (or at least in that similiar sense)

We are NOT a cult if we get money it is from members of the Kingdom Hall we don't just knock on your door and say Hey can we have your money.

We come to your door because we want everyone to have knowledge of Jehovah (and when we come to your door we show respect and it would be nice to get it in return)
We don't celebrate the holidays because they are considered pagen so we do not particpate.

We follow the Bible it points us in the right direction and gives us faith and allows us to gain knowledge of Jehovah and His son Jesus.

We also believe that once you die you are cleared of your sins and you can live in paradise but if you try to go back to sinful ways you will be gone.

We believe there is not a Hell where you burn for eternity because of a life of wrong-doing and everyone does not go to Heaven only the chosen few, when you die the dead are unconcious of everything but you will be awaken by Jesus to live in the world of paradise.


I might not be right about every aspect but this is what I have learned through my father and I am only 16 so I have time to correct myself. I just wanted to do this because so many have a wrong impression of the people who are the same religion as me, and I wanted to give them correct information.
Jehovah's Witnesses are like normal people and just try to spread knowledge so everyone has the same oppurtunity.
Jehovah's Witnesses by Melly :-) December 23, 2008

jehovah's witnesses 

Ok well, first of all, Jehovah's Witnesses are NOT a cult. They have their own beliefs just like any other religion. Yes, Witnesses don't believe in the trinity. But why is it that Buddhists (just an example)or any other religion that doesn't believe in God is not criticised?? They all have their own belifs. And for everyone who is saying things, have you actually ever talked to a Witness in person?? Don'y believe everything you hear. Also, it is true that Witnesses do change their teachings at times. But the reason is because they have discovered something new in the bible and have revised their teachings in order continue living according to bible principles and laws. The celebrating of Christmas, birthdays, etc are not bible teachings. Does anyone recall Jesus and his disciples ever doing any of these things?? Honestly, just contact the Witnesses yourself.
As one of Jehovah's Witnesses, you may face opposition, but did not Jesus face such things also?
jehovah's witnesses by azncutie November 9, 2006

Jehovah's Witnesses 

I see there is someone stating that the Jehovah Witnesses don't accept blood transfusions and that nowhere in the bible does it say anything about blood. Well I strongly disagree, I can tell you it is very clear Act 15:20 KJV "But what we write unto them, that they abstain from pollutions of idols, and from fornication and from things strangled(or killed without draining their blood) and from Blood."
Most people think a child died because the parents are Jehovah witnesses and they don't accept blood but didn't you think maybe the child died from complications and because they don't accept transfusions the child died from a complication.
Also look in to acts 2 15:28-29. "Jehovah Witness actually receive better medical treatment because they don't accept blood" (American Journal of Obstetrics and gynecology 1968).
All surguries including open heart surgery, brain surgury you name it. The army is actually now using the methods Witnesses have been using for years because there blood supply is down.
I'm so glad people don't know what they are talking about that they convince themselves that they know everything. Don't claim to know what the bible says or doesn't say if you have never read it. I will always quote from the King James Version, which is what is normally used in most christain churches. I am not a Jehovah Witness but I have studied with them and they are wonderful people and they don't just make up crazy things from no where their beliefs come staight from the bible. While everyone who is not a witness is reading this consider one thing where in the bible does it tell you that you are going to heaven if you are good? Good luck (just a hint it isn't in there I've studied the entire bible)
Jehovah's Witnesses by j2k January 1, 2005