crimp one off 

To take a sh*t and whilst it is midway through the batti, the 'crappee' sqeezes the ass muscle to cut it in half and leave the bathroom early.

"OMG! I'm late for my interview!!! Better crimp one off!"

crimp one off by McCowboy July 20, 2006

torque one off 

to masturbate; to pop off a quick orgasm to calm nerves;

I'm going out with a hot chick tonight. I'm gonna torque one off before, so I don't pitch a tent around her.

torque one off by the best, no doubt September 6, 2005

get one off 

finish yourself while jacking off

Sorry, I had to get one off but I'm back!

get one off by apple bottomless April 28, 2016

having one off the wrist 

Another way of saying I'm going to masterbate

I put a lock on your door so your mum can't catch you having one off the wrist

having one off the wrist by Wanglerz July 23, 2017

chuck one off 

To engage in a solitary bout of onanism, to punish percy in the palm. To ask for a date with Mrs Palm's five lovely daughters.

"Ey up son, gonna chuck one off while I watch?"

"Sod off Mr Jackson."

chuck one off by Jabo June 11, 2006

Thrown One Off 

Male masturbation.

I arrived at Barry's, on the way in I caught a whiff. He'd just thrown one off.

Thrown One Off by harry_ belafonte April 7, 2009

Burn one off 

To set fire to ones flatulent gassy fart. Can be done alone or as a party piece. If done with a crowd of mates a competitive element may arise to see who can burn off the longest flame.

"Quick, Lend me your lighter" said Andrew, "I've been on the baked beans, sprouts and Guinness again so stand well back while I burn one off".

Burn one off by monty3945 February 7, 2013