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Something that is so ridiculously pitiful that it hurts you.
The shriveled up little dumpster baby was so crippling that I killed myself.
Crippling by JuccBoi April 4, 2020

Cranking 

The act of crying and wanking (masturbation)at the same time.
This term comes from 'Ye Olde English' originating from the reign of King Henry VIII and his desperation in not being able to produce a male heir to carry on the Tudor dynasty. It was discovered by a lowly servant who stumbled upon the King in floods of tears and covered in copious amounts of semen. This information was a state secret until 2007 when it was released under Freedom of Information Act.
'Last night I watched Hugh Grant in Love Actually it was a performance of a lifetime it touched me in so many ways I just had to have a crank'
'Every since I heard my Mum and Dad had died in a horrible dolphin accident I've had to crank myself to sleep every night'
'Late at night after his girlfriend had gone to sleep Steven Peters Matthews would slowly crank over her delicate jawline'

Mohinder: Hey guys do you all wanna go to the beach and catch some waves and then afterwards we can go to Chad's house and have communal crank'
Bruce: That sounds totally crazy sick Mohinder I'll give Chuck a ring he loves cranking'

'Man I just watched Schindler's List, it was like totally sad but that little girl in the red coat was so hot i just had to have a crank'.

'The other day I was having a glorious wank in the woods when I saw a cute bunny rabbit get brutally mutilated by a hedgehog it turned my once in a lifetime wanking experience into a mournful cranking session'
Cranking by Malcom McCroat February 13, 2009

Crippling dick 

When your dick is so ancient, that it shrivels up, and needs extra assistance to get a hard-on. Also known as ol’ man dick.
“Awh dammit, I got a crippling dick, so I can’t slam Martha tonight because I can’t get a hard-on quick enough without some viagra.”

Cranking the Horn 

Masturbating in a comedic fashion. Or to masturbate as a means of time-wasting for mild enjoyment.
Guy 1: What did you do at the weekend?
Guy 2: Nothing much just sat at home cranking the horn.
Guy 1: What?
Guy 2: You know, beating my soldier, caressing my shaft, you know, treating the little guy.
Guy 1: Ohhhhh, yeh same, I wanked until it hurt me physically. We really need girlfriends.
A type of dance that involves a kind of air humping that is accompanied by rapid arm movements and jumping
"Shit-son this is my favourite crunking song!"
crunking by McKenzie M October 23, 2006
running around with an IV of Grey Goose for several days screaming for no apparent reason and screeching like a crow, "EHHHH EHHHHH!!"
yo man, Roq was out crunking last weekend.
crunking by Roq Papi May 16, 2011