santa claus 

Most likely a mythical modern retelling of a mystic group of hallucinogenic mushroom-eating Siberian shaman who wore red and white outfits, snuck in through the chimneys of villagers and distributed the sacred mushroom Amanita Muscaria. Other associations from the popular myth easily fall into place. The reindeer is the animal most associated with Amanita as it is a popular dish to them. Amanita tends to form a symbotic relationship with spruce or pine trees which are used for Christmas trees. It is also said that the Siberian shaman could fly, but probably not physically. However, Amanita often gives the sensation of flying.

Santa Claus was just a crazy mushroom cult all along.

santa claus by Requiett September 6, 2005

santa claus 

Evil robot who terrorizes the citizens of New New York every X-mas Eve, because he judges everyone to be naughty. He throws grenades that look like X-mas tree ornaments and shot a TOW missile at Fry and Leela when he caught them under mistletoe. One time, he got frozen in the ice of Neptune due to the exhaust from the Planet Express ship melting the ice and it refroze. Bender then had to take his place that X-mas eve.

Amy: "You can't stay out on X-Mas eve, you'll be killed!"
Fry: "Say what?"
Farnsworth: "Good lord! he doesn't know about Santa Claus."

santa claus by MontgomeryGator February 6, 2007

Santa Claus 

Someone adults made up and tell their children he delivers all the presents on Christmas Eve. He supposably lives in the North Pole with all his lil elves making toys and Mrs. Jessica Claus. Obviously he does not exist because the inpersonators you see at the mall and such would be arrested for identity theft. So what is the point of him? To give children something to believe in and spread Christmas spirit around. Becasue of him now people don't even know what Christmas really is all about and just want gifts. What does Santa Claus have to do with he birth of God?
He comes down the chimney, which isn't practical since he is apparently really fat.

Adult: Go to sleep early Cindy Lou Who, or Santa Clause won't come!
Cindy Lou Who: OK mommy/daddy, don't forget to leave out cookies and milk for Santa and carrots for his magical reindeer you told me about. I cant believe they can fly, pull his sleigh with his fat body and everybody on the nice list's presents and naughty lists coal!!!! Night night!

Santa Claus by Young Gothic Rocker Chic December 28, 2005

Santa Claus 

original name: Zänte Klas
pronounced: (tsain teh klahz)

A German Nazi doctor who dealt in psychological experimentations with the Jewish prisoners by leaving symbolic items in odd places; such as a ragdoll nailed to a wall. He also loved to play jokes on his fellow officers. In one account, Klas was locked out of a building for being a nuisance and ended up climbing on the roof and sliding down the chimney in order to get inside where he proceeded to eat all of the food and drink the last of their milk stock.

Feared by many for his extreme madness, yet unliked in high command for his lack of success, he was reassigned to an expiditionary team bound for the northern pole. Due to bad weather, the team was left stranded without resupply for weeks in which all died but one. The lone survivor's recount was a terrible one, describing how Herr Zänte Klas killed and ate the team, being the big man he was. When asked how he escaped, the survivor said Klas had been watching him closely, and told him he was a good boy and wouldn't be harmed.

All the men who were killed had, on the night before, hung up their big wool socks to dry and woke to find coal had been placed in them. Another one of Klas's symbolic jokes, they thought. Too late did they realize the truth.

So be a good boy because "Santa Claus" watches closely and rewards those who are good. But be a bad boy, and you'll find more than coal in the morning...

Santa Claus by Winter Wonder January 27, 2009

santa claus 

a cheap bitch

santa claus is a cheap bitch who put me on the naughty list

santa claus by poohead smelly November 8, 2019

santa claus 

When you have a lot of weed and you don't want to smoke it in any usual way, you throw lot of weed in your fireplace, while your mate is up, on the roof and he's getting one fucking hot shot right from the chimney.

Pete: Hey, mate where´s Kevin?

Dave (while throwing the weed into fireplace, grinning): He´s on the roof getting santa claused right now.

santa claus by funny_frog January 1, 2018

Santa Claus 

After copulation, a partner makes a mustache and/or beard with semen on the other partner.

After the blow job, he gave her a Santa Claus.

Santa Claus by PeteRepeat October 1, 2006