Chrome Zealot 

A believer in a vaperware operating system designed by an advertising conglomerate front to a government project. These zealots claim their roots in a rarely used member of Web 2.0 technologies, the Chrome internet browser. The browser origins derived from a CIA scheme to gather intelligence on consumers using spyware to predict market swings, binge drinking at urban raves, rises in online discussions of conspiracy theories, trends in the porn industry, and communist activity in the far east. These believers, found in universities, wear the traditional rainbow colored suspenders indicative of the clan, and greet each other with the phrase “epic fail” followed by a rubbing of the left elbows. The FBI, perpetually suspicious of the CIA tricks against American citizens, invested millions in investigating the browser’s intelligence gathering activities but abandoned the case when cult membership dwindled to several dozen members. As the FBI director put it before the senate intelligence committee, “what can you expect from commi’s turned capitalists…it’s a total piece of shit. It serves the CIA right for putting Russians in charge of the project. It’s an epic boondoggle, a violation of the constitution, and a waste of money. The money would be better spent on electric mini-bikes, proving Joe Biden is Jimmy Hoffa, and a wax museum showcasing the late J. Edgar Hoover estate’s rare collection of pantyhose, corsets, and early twentieth century braziers.”

"No, I couldn't view the video you sent me. I'm a chrome zealot."

Chrome Zealot by stthomas_a_keen_ass October 6, 2009

Linux Zealot 

Somone who Zealously defends the superiority of the Linux operating system. The typical Linux Zealot hangs around a forum or IRC channel and answers questions that blatently refer to Microsoft windows with questions like "What operating system are you using?" or replies with instructions that relate to Linux.
Many Linux Zealots know very little about the operation of the Linux operating system and are simply trying to gain respect from fellow Linux users.

I went to a linux help channel to ask how to make this software work but I was called a lamer and told to read the documentation which from what I can tell dosen't exist.

Linux Zealot by Kang June 18, 2004

Subtitle Zealot 

An extreme anime nut (see otaku) who refuses to watch any anime cartoon with anything other than the original Japanese voice acting. Anything English on their screen other than subtitles will immediately induce a screaming, whining fit. Claims that even an excellent English dub somehow ruins the original "integrity" or "beauty" of the series. May have some substance to their argument, as anime is often "dumbed down" or censored for North American audiences, but any decent points are drowned out by their yelling about subtitles, as if they were Satan himself and were violently raping their mother in front of them at the time.

Often may make an attempt to learn Japanese so they can do away with subtitles altogether. May also attend an anime convention, cosplay, or enjoy reading MegaTokyo. Extremely vocal nutcase which should generally be avoided at all costs.

"Hey, Cowboy Bebop is on Cartoon Network."
"AAAAHHH A DUB GET THAT FILTH OFF THE TV SCREEN."
"Get out of my house, subtitle zealot!"

Subtitle Zealot by RealGTX April 1, 2005

Mac Zealot 

The most annoying person at your party; a succubus or incubus. These pervasive hipsters enjoy a luxuriant lifestyle in academia and urban environments where Mac zealots are hesitantly tolerated at great expense to the government or their parents. Grudgingly, this person runs Microsoft to make the tool functional, but still hopes the silver or white finish and bubble sounds can increase the production of pheromones. Social experiment studies have shown that subjects believe more pheromones exist in the presence of the Mac devices; although chemical studies have a proven a lack of desirability and a decrease in mojo levels. It is this inversely proportional trend of narcissism and actual desirability that most researchers conclude is a source of their quietly abrasive, soul sucking personalities. The group was a splinter group from the Satan worshiping sexually deviant Freebsd zealots. Mac zealots pay thousands of dollars to the mothership for new biofeedback devices and self help courses over ten to twenty years before the founders of the order reveal it is actually a satanic cult with roots in the biblical Garden of Eden. Their marriage ritual is often performed in rockabilly, retro, metro, or swing themes, but many observers report it is actually often quite boring and lubricated with bottom shelf liquor.

"That mac zealot in the turtleneck has followed me around all night. I think he is in rut."

Mac Zealot by pierre_abelard October 4, 2009

Ubuntu Zealot 

A member of the order of Ubuntu, the most devout of the celibate tribes. Followers often tend to live in small packs, often dominated by a matriarch, who by custom, lives in the upper floor of the domicile for twenty to thirty years; although, studies have proven cases often have lifetime arrangements. Members of this order are rarely seen during in the daylight while they practice a self-mutilating practice, performed mostly with thumbs and the use of a biofeedback video device. The most commonly witnessed activity by outsiders, a routine 2 a.m. trip to the corner-shop is known as “nocturnal emission” within the tome of listed rituals. The order preaches it was actually a third lineage of beings that evolved separately from Homo sapiens and the line of apes and other primates. Evidence is scarce, but many scientists accept the possibility upon close examination of the culture.

"Jeff is an Ubuntu zealot. He won't go out with her. He wouldn't know how."

Ubuntu Zealot by pierre_abelard October 4, 2009

FreeBSD Zealot 

(1)Someone who openly advocates group sex and/or bestiality or pornography focused on these subjects. (2) Someone with a large collection of pornographic material or extensive online presense of group sex and bestiality, especially someone who shares this with friends and coworkers.

I'm probably a "FreeBSD Zealot". If you give me a hit of X, I could f--k a goat.

FreeBSD Zealot by heloisesuncle September 12, 2009

Microsoft Zealot 

A person who has a life beyond computers and is not confined by a religious addiction to unusable hippie freeware with little functional use or an overpriced trendy combination of hardware that was top of the line two years ago. The typical Microsoft zealot sees the computer as a means to an end, a business tool and home appliance, and not a white false idol perched in a prominent part of your “living” room that you pray impresses women. It generally won’t. The typical Microsoft zealot has tried this approach and failed miserably and has moved on to conventions on Microsoft technology where they hope to score with a barista working in the lobby. She is the only woman in the room, or at least the only obvious person of the female gender. Microsoft zealots tend to understand what TCO, ROI, economy of scale, and integration mean unlike their fanatical counterparts on the other side of the virtual fence. Microsoft zealots drive nice cars but have never been laid in them, nor is it likely. They are, however, eternally hopeful.

“Hey, I’m kind of a Microsoft zealot, do you want to ditch this Powerpoint presentation and head to the lingerie convention a block down at Harrah’s? I have the route mapped out on my iPhone.”

Microsoft Zealot by pierre_abelard October 3, 2009