amsturbation 

travelling to amsterdam, hoping to get laid, but unfortunate circumstances forcing you to wank instead.

i hope i won't have to do amsturbation this weekend.

amsturbation by chicken adventurous May 9, 2006

Comedic Masturbation 

When you are so funny by yourself that you laugh out loud without any participation by a partner.

Progresses from a small grin to a smile to a quiet giggle and then quickly reaches the climactic event of an audible belly laugh, or LOL. Following climax, tissue is often used to dry resulting wetness occuring in the ocular region.

My humor is not always understood by others and I frequently find myself involuntarily engaging in comedic masturbation.

Comedic Masturbation by K-Rista-Raaah July 22, 2016

Bureaucratic Masturbation 

noun - 1. Engaging in any activity for the sake of making one feel better about themselves, their organization, or their company without actually accomplishing anything. 2. Holding meetings to provide recommendations only to have management do what they wanted in the first place. 3. Holding special work group meetings to make the 'little people' feel ownership, when the decision has already been made by higher levels of management.

My boss has picked me to suffer through more Bureaucratic Masturbation, representing the department on a policy work group.
I spent the last 3 months researching the best candidate for the position and the Boss picked his pet employee anyway. God I hat Bureaucratic Masturbation!

Bureaucratic Masturbation by Bill Koogler January 17, 2008

Masturbation guilt 

The sense of guilt you feel post-masturbation when you realized what you have just jerked yourself off to.

"Oh God, what have I done? I did not just masturbate to bestiality.. talk about masturbation guilt.

Masturbation guilt by GunaDK January 19, 2012

Public Masturbation 

The reason I am no longer allowed on public transportation.

I definitely should not have participated in Public masturbation on that subway.

Public Masturbation by thepseudonymousbosch February 21, 2017

Masturbation Marathon 

An exceptionally long episode of masturbation fits. These episodes are usually brought on by sexual deprivation and bordom; however, and I'm not making this up, they have been used a means of fundraising for sexual related causes such as safe sex. A masturbation marathon is a strenuous event that requires disciplined training and preparation. There are several related subcatagories such as time, ejaculation distance, and most orgasms for both male and female competitors (I'm totally serious - google it).

Hillary's return brought an end to Bill's 72 hour masturbation marathon.

Masturbation Marathon by Face_Bones August 29, 2013

Social Media Masturbation 

"Liking" your own post on Facebook or retweeting your own tweet on Twitter

"I look so awesome today" - Liking this comment with a thumbs up beneath it on Facebook or retweeting comment on Twitter is Social Media Masturbation.

Social Media Masturbation by Mistress Weber April 16, 2011