Jesus 

A pretty cool guy whose reputation has been run down by his horrible fan-club.

Used by the said fan-club as an excuse to do whatever they decide is “right.”

Dude: “Hey! What the hell are you doing to my car???”
Other dude: “Jesus’ will.”

Jesus by Shard February 28, 2005

Jesus 

Jesus is a common male name for Hispanics. Jesus is the guy that will take your girl.

Aye Jesus isn't that Michaels girl??

Jesus by Bigdikboy March 13, 2017

Jesus 

The immortal zombie carpenter who, if you ask him nicely through his telepathic powers, will grant your wishes. He is one third of an almighty being who was sent to earth to be killed mercilessly so that said almighty being could forgive us for something he made us do, something which, being almighty, shouldn't have been quite so troublesome in the first place. In addition to asking politely, some believe it is necessary to indulge in cannibalism, eating Jesus' flesh, to be forgiven and go to heaven. Physically, Jesus may have looked similar to Jim Morrison, although many would contend he was in fact black.

Friend: I'm going to go eat some of Jesus and ask him and his father not to send me to eternal damnation for something my great great great etc. grandparents did.

Me: Have fun at Mass!

Jesus by LordofAllPrepositionalPhrases December 15, 2008

Jesus 

Man who was nailed to a plank for saying how nice it would be if everyone was nice to each other. Had his message misinterpreted by millions who now think it is their job to persecute certain groups of people(christians).

Jesus:be nice to others.

Jesus by Jonjo January 15, 2005

Jesus 

One of the latest in a long line of deities based on the movements of the sun during the winter solstice.

Jesus is a made up guy!

Jesus by thetruthone October 20, 2008

Jesus 

The assistant general manager at White Castle.

Hey someone jizzed in my slider! I want to talk to Jesus!

Jesus by Samisita January 17, 2009

Jesus 

The light of the world, the one who came and died on the cross to forgive us of all of our sins. There is a religion based on that, called Christianity.

Jesus is the light of the world. Read John 3:16.

Jesus by C.C. December 18, 2004