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The Guardian 

A formerly reputable left-leaning newpaper.In recent times has acted as the avant-garde of social marxism in the form of identity politics and the cult of victimhood.Often takes the side of the enemies of modern civilization on the flimsiest standpoints.

In essence, not worth the money or the web search. Representative of the spiritual and social paralysis in the Western World.
Me:"Did you read that article on The Guardian?".
You: " The Guardian?!. I never read that guff".
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The Guardian 

The Grauniad is a British left-wing populist rag read by the tweed and corduroy crowd at second rate liberal arts college's . It is known mostly for it's hatred of the United State's, Israel, and Western civilization. It's writer's are fatuous political pimps who write in the style of a frantic housewife whose husband just left her for a younger woman: bitter and vindictive.

The Guardian is required reading if you are middle-class, wear a Che Guevara t-shirt, and like to read books about the Baader-Meinhof gang and Red Brigades.
"I couldn't find the Socialist Worker so I'm reading The Guardian."
The Guardian by RonnieTheGreat April 23, 2008

the guardian 

The Guardian daily newspaper is a morally repungent piece of liberal claptrap that promotes lefties and commie lib-lab-middleclass-car-haters that want to turn Britain into the "EUSSR"
I don't read that leftie shit(the guardian), only the Express, Mail and to a lesser extent The Sun know what the news is all about
the guardian by Wattsie August 9, 2006

the guardian 

A left-wing British newspaper usually picked on by right wing idiots for retaining journalistic integrity and not scaremongering with every headline.
"Hey did you read the Guardian today, and notice how it doesn't twist everything to be somehow the fault of Tony Blair, Muslims or immigrants, and that nowhere was the term 'PC gone mad!' used?

"Yeah, it rocks."
the guardian by Ducky February 22, 2007

The Guardian News 

Man who fucked his girl on camera for money
DID YOU SEE THE NEWS! IT WAS A GAURDIAN NEWSPAPER!!! He fucked his girl. I can’t believe The Guardian News Exists. It’s supposed to guard you from porn stars

As much use as a business page in the Guardian

Something of no use to the chronically economically illiterates, who read the Guardian and worship Carl Marx.
“ That’s about as much use as a business page in the Guardian!” Exclaimed Rupert before spilling egg down his tie.

The Sand Guardian 

A guardian of the sand who is so powerful that even Poseidon quivers before him.
Sand Guardian: I am The Sand Guardian, Guardian of The Sand!

Person: POSEIDON QUIVERS BEFORE HIM!

...

Sand Guardian (yelling at ocean): FUCK OFF!
The Sand Guardian by Fire Tongue December 2, 2020