Definitions by von groovy
secular handshake
To masturbate.
After strolling through the garment district during fashion week, Nigel went home and used his drool to give himself a firm, secular handshake.
secular handshake by von groovy May 26, 2017
thirst parlor
A place where people satisfy and sometimes overindulge their craving for drink and delight. Not a dive bar, but not a pretentious pub. Things get lively, but bartenders don't flash their knockers.
Hans had a week of nonsense, lies, and disappointments. His mom told him that the only thing that would hit the spot would be going to the thirst parlor. He did and all his problems paused.
thirst parlor by von groovy May 25, 2017
rooster blood
What I have called Sriracha because of the rooster on the bottle and because little kids may think that's what it is.
Customer: Do you have any rooster blood for my tofu?
Waiter: What on earth do you mean? We are a vegan gastropub!
Customer: Sorry, I meant Sriracha.
Waiter: What on earth do you mean? We are a vegan gastropub!
Customer: Sorry, I meant Sriracha.
rooster blood by von groovy May 24, 2017
triar
This is a term to signify someone who blindly supports Donald Trump and the lies he puts forth into the universe despite the fact that they know what they are stating is not true. A Trump liar.
Gabe: Come on! You know that is complete balderdash! You only say it 'cause Trump says it!
Byron: Whatever, Gabe. It is true and I have the facts to back it up from 3% of the world's scientists.
Gabe: You did not believe this crap in 2015. Admit it! Embrace it! You are a triar!!!!
Byron: Whatever, Gabe. It is true and I have the facts to back it up from 3% of the world's scientists.
Gabe: You did not believe this crap in 2015. Admit it! Embrace it! You are a triar!!!!
triar by von groovy May 21, 2017
vegain
The term used when someone tries to go vegan again but cannot succeed due to laziness and/or they cannot give up shoving animal products into their mouths.
Babs: Did you hear about Fay?
Mabel: No, I did not.
Babs: She pulled another vegain and she lasted 3 days.
Mabel: Worthless. I bet it involved custard.
Babs: Bingo!!
Mabel: No, I did not.
Babs: She pulled another vegain and she lasted 3 days.
Mabel: Worthless. I bet it involved custard.
Babs: Bingo!!
vegain by von groovy May 20, 2017
tradsturbating
The act of masturbating to more traditional stimuli instead of whatever is supposed to be technologically current.
Dino: Hey, where's Stan?
Karl: We won't see him for days. He got his vintage porn stills in the mail yesterday. He'll be tradsturbating to the point of dehydration.
Dino: I wish he'd just do internet image searches daily instead of these binges.
Karl: He's a traditionalist, Dino! A real class act!!
Karl: We won't see him for days. He got his vintage porn stills in the mail yesterday. He'll be tradsturbating to the point of dehydration.
Dino: I wish he'd just do internet image searches daily instead of these binges.
Karl: He's a traditionalist, Dino! A real class act!!
tradsturbating by von groovy May 20, 2017
comedy of terrors
When a series of mishandled events happen wherein each successive event is more horrific than the previous one.
Candy remarked that she thought forgetting her credit card would not have been that big of a deal to buy some smokes that night. Little did she know it would set off a comedy of terrors where she would have to prostitute herself to a chlamydia-riddled Albanian transvestite in front of her father just to get her car out of impound to rescue the infant in her trunk.
comedy of terrors by von groovy May 19, 2017