the evil steve's definitions

only when I'm pregnant

A male person's definitive "never" response. Puts to rest the relentless drunk friend-of-friend who tries to force you into a flase confession.

Drunk FoF: "Dude, would you ever consider nailing Snooki?"
Dude: "No."
Drunk FoF: "Not even if your were drunk?"
Dude: "Never."
Drunk FoF: "Even if you're drunk, horny, and she's playing with your balls?"
Dude: "Only when I'm pregnant."

by The Evil Steve November 16, 2011

epidemic

1. (dictionary) Widespread contagion, usually a bacteria or virus, that kills or severly sickens a large number people in a particular geographic area.

2. (American Media) Half-assed drug or dumbass activity that kills a couple suburban white kids, usually in the Baltimore area for some reason.

1. The SARS epidemic of 2003 killed hundreds and hospitalized thousands in China and Toronto.

2. Stone Phillips reporting on the highway surfing epidemic... Ashleigh Banfield to follow with an expose on the paint-huffing epidemic.

by The Evil Steve September 5, 2005

buy their razor

Sports-related: to knock a team out of playoff contention. Derived from the tendency for sports teams to grow their beards during the playoffs as a sign of team unity.

The Chargers bought the Titans their razor(buy their razor) last night by pounding them 42-17 in Tennessee, knocking the Titans to 7-8 and completely out of the playoff chase.

by The Evil Steve December 26, 2009

Nibbenmilf, Land of

Combination of the terms NBN and MILF which describes a mythical realm dripping with perpetually horny drop-dead gorgeous women between the ages of 35-50. Some upper-middle-class planned suburban communities bursting at the seams with trophy wives may qualify, but most of us will only see them on TV or in the movies.

Fairview from Desperate Housewives may be the mythical Land of Nibbenmilf.

by The Evil Steve August 25, 2005

pastafarian

Worshipper and follower of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

Have you been touched by His Noodly Appendage? Then put on your pirate outfit and join the Pastafarians!

by The Evil Steve September 5, 2005

heavy rotation

The set of 15 or so songs that Clear Channelesque cookie-cutter format radio stations play at least once an hour 24/7 until their Major Record Label BitchMasters tell them (or pay them) to play something else.

If a song you like makes heavy rotation, you'll hate it in two weeks or less. If a song you hate makes heavy rotation, you'll want to pull your brain out through your ears. Changing the station won't help, since every format radio station across the continent plays the same friggin' 15 songs in heavy rotation.

The MILF anthem "Stacy's Mom" was a fun song until it made heavy rotation - now I don't even want to bang Rachel Hunter anymore.

by The Evil Steve September 5, 2005

McChristian

Chest-thumping churchgoer / religious donor who loudly proclaims his or her righteousness based solely on their Sunday attendance / offering. Tend to think they can get away with being braggardly arrogant self-important arseholes because they actually spend an hour or two in / a few bucks on church every week. They tend to cover their auto bumpers and SUV backglass with stickers alluding to Jesus, quote Biblical scripture completely out of context, and privately pleasure themselves to kiddie porn while chiding anybody who dares mention anything sexual in public.

The jagoff who cut you off coming out of the church parking lot - you know, the one in the $49 polyester suit jacket who flipped you off - this past Sunday morning is a McChristian.

by The Evil Steve September 5, 2005