mad genius's definitions

Refinery Asshole

Refinery Asshole is the guy that passes you on the interstate in his “dually pick ‘em up truck” doing 90 mph, because he’s on his way to his refinery job. Refinery Asshole drives like a jerk because Refinery Asshole also believes he is a NASCAR driver. Refinery Asshole believes that the refinery is incapable of operating without him. Refinery Asshole reeks of cigarettes, coffee, and refinery stink, and spends his entire day with his filthy, stinking books kicked up on his desk, bitching about how rotten his home life is, and how great he was back in high school football. Refinery Asshole’s “great-grandaddy”, “granddaddy”, and “daddy”, worked at the same refinery, and guess what ? Refinery Asshole’s son will also work there someday, carrying on the rich tradition. Refinery Asshole hopes that someday, his daughter will marry another Refinery Asshole. Refinery Asshole also believes that greasy, stinking Nomex suits qualify as “Sunday’s Best” in clothing.

Refinery Asshole passed me up this morning on my way to work. It was unbelievable...I could smell tobacco, coffee, and petroleum as he went by doing 90, cutting me off only a few cars lenghts from his exit.

by mad genius December 5, 2010

Lottery Ticket Asshole

Lottery Ticket Asshole holds up the entire line at the convenience store, deciding what scratch-off lottery ticket they will waste their unemployment benefits on. They are convinced that their odds of winning improve, depending on what the scratch-off ticket looks like. Therefore they spend an incredible amount of time debating the issue, pissing off everyone else waiting in line. Sometimes, Lottery Ticket Asshole will even park their fat ass in front of the line, and scratch off the very ticket which they just purchased. God forbid you find yourself waiting behind the occasional Lottery Ticket / Cigarette Asshole combination personality. You will be waiting in line forever. Sometimes, Lottery Ticket Asshole will leave the store and climb into their Mustang, hence creating the possibility of the dreaded and oh-too-common Lottery Ticket Asshole / Cigarette Asshole / Mustang Asshole combination.

I got caught beinhd Lottery Ticket Asshole today while getting gas and a soda on my way to work. I ended up having to use a sick day because I was 6 hours late.

by mad genius December 5, 2010

Cigarette Asshole

Cigarette Asshole holds up the entire line at the convenience store, describing to the cashier what cigarettes they choose to spend their unemployment benefits on and kill themselves with. The description is often something like “Kool 100 slim unfiltered menthols in a hard pack” hence confusing the befuddled cashier, and pissing off everyone else waiting in line. God forbid you find yourself waiting behind the occasional Lottery Ticket / Cigarette Asshole combination personality. You might as well shoot yourself or leave and try a different store. See Mustang Asshole and Lottery Ticket asshole for other possible asshole personality combinations.

'Why doesn't Cigarette Asshole just jump off a cliff? That way, they can speed up the whole death process and spare me the next 3 hours waiting in line."

by mad genius December 5, 2010

Mustang Asshole

Mustang Asshole believes that they own the road, and have the fastest car on the planet. Doesn’t matter if their car is a stripped-down version, or has thousands of dollars put into engine performance; Mustang Asshole is simply Mustang Asshole. Mustang Asshole believes any auto racing movie should be nominated for an Oscar. Mustang Asshole often overinflates the amount of horsepower they tell each other they have, because they know that in reality, they will never race their cars and prove it. They LOVE to sit at stoplights and rev the engine, even if they can only race one city block before the next stop sign or stop light. Mustang Asshole usually is wearing sunglasses (no matter day or night) and often sports a backwards baseball hat and a thin, cheesy, shit-stain moustache. Mustang Asshole’s girlfriend is very impressed with Mustang Asshole, however knows no better because it’s the only guy she’s dated since childhood. Mustang Asshole often uses their Mustang as their Facebook or MySpace profile image, in the slim hopes that some desperate female will dig the car, and overlook their pubic hair transplants on their head. See Cigarette Asshole and Lottery Ticket asshole for other possible asshole personality combinations.

I saw a whole heard of Mustang Assholes rubbing against each other stroking their egos. They must substitute horsepower for penis size.

by mad genius December 5, 2010

dolphinize

To urinate on a fan of the opposite team. Taken from the horrific example a few years ago when a group of Oakland Raider fans beat up a Dolphins fan in the bathroom, then proceeded to urinate on him. Typical neanderthal Raider fan behavior.

The Raiders haven't won a meaningful game in years, which results in the fans having to dolphinize opposing fans to gain any satisfaction in life.

by mad genius October 27, 2010