Urban Dictionary: Definitions by gnostic3

Colombia

place. Delightful land composed of a decidedly odd combination of foetid swamp and needlessly pointy mountains that, after a few millennia spent as a bottleneck for migratory aboriginal land speculators, became first a slave-state for predatory europeans and then a front for drug runners intent on destroying a much better country far to the north. A version of football is popular in the flatter bits of the country but a lack of centre backs with any sense of vision and a mandatory death sentence for keepers mishandling the ball has hampered Colombia’s progress on the international stage. Recent events in neighbouring Venezuela have prompted discussions amongst the top leaders centring on the feasibility of following the lead of the ancient wayfarers and moving the entire population and all their assets south into sparsely-settled Ecuador.

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If Venezuela becomes the 51st state could Colombia become the 2nd Puerto Rica?

by gnostic3 January 9, 2026

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oil piracy

n. Boarding a loaded tanker and gleefully stealing its cargo. Raising the Jolly Roger or Old Glory is optional.

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Avast mateys! Be there any scallywags amongst ye who feel the need for some oil piracy in yer scurvy bones?

Are you off your medicine again sir?

by gnostic3 January 8, 2026

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worderator

n. Lexical genius who creates, usually spontaneously, new words or new definitions for existing words.

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Tell congress that I will decide what constitutes a war, an invasion, kidnapping, murder, a constitutional violation, poverty, employment and health. I am the worderator, and my words are law.

by gnostic3 January 7, 2026

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amerikind

n. Similar to “mankind” but with a tighter, more realistic focus.

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When you take any philosophical work or treatise on ethics or morality, including this Bible I frequently wave about, and replace “mankind” with “amerikind” you will understand some of my more abstruse policies. “Abstruse”! That’s not a real word! I would know. I’m a worderator.

by gnostic3 January 7, 2026

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trumperator

n. A supremely powerful entity who eschews loosening the bonds of mankind and instead liberates the oppressed resources of the world.

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I pray each night that the trumperator will soon free the entrapped lithium of Bolivia as a boon to amerikind.

by gnostic3 January 7, 2026

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Venezuela

place. Former pristine tropical paradise discovered and turned into an idyllic Eden by land-hungry wandering tribes after the last ice age, then turned into a horrible slave state by gold-hungry europeans, turned into a corrupt failing state by power-hungry marxists, and recently acquired so as to be turned into the 51st state by oil-hungry despots. Also a source of copra, robust copra miners, chicle, edentulous chicle chewers, mediocre center backs, middling relief pitchers and patulous cloacae. Venezuela, ranked a dismal 147th by the IIHF and a solid 12th by Amnesty International before their forced takeover, after a brief war incongruously began by a nation led by a recent Peace Prize recipient, is proudly confident that their return to enslavement will be rewarded by higher rankings from both organizations.

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I’ve been up all night working on it and a 51st star for Venezuela won’t fit evenly on Old Glory. I can do 52 easily though. So do we steal Canada’s water while rescuing the servile drones from their communist leaders or do we save those whale-gobbling Greenlanders from a manufactured walrus invasion?

Greenland sir. You and Elon could make billions manufacturing us some very life-like walruses.

by gnostic3 January 6, 2026