An oxymoron. Very simply stated.
by Frank Klaune August 08, 2005
A small-town, provincial putz of a policeman. The name represents "Barney Fife", the bumbling, inept deputy sherfiff from the "Andy Griffith Show." The typical small-town Barney is a doughnut-chomping fat bastard whose only purpose is to write as many speeding tickets and seat belt "safety" violations to out-of-town licence plated cars as humanly possible. This daily pattern continues until the barney has padded his resume sufficiently to move on to a real job far from the provincial putzville which was his first job for a couple of years. The outrageous pattern of excessive ticket-writing also works in the favor of the inbred, corrupt, fuck-headed town officials who reap an obscene profit from the fine largesse. This, in turn, self justifies the continuance of the salary for the Barney. This pattern is particularly effective in towns which are so ridiculously quiet and small that an actual "law enforcement officer" has no substantive reason to be on the public payroll. The next time you are pulled over in some backward Hooterville for driving 4 MPH over the posted limit, remember where your fine money is going.
by Frank Klaune April 25, 2005
Humorous euphemism used to explain the (how shall we say this nicely...) ritualistic non-surgical dislocation of the head from the torso. It's becoming a useful term when attempting to relate to the antics of certain deranged individuals in the mideast who are mired in 9th century mentality.
(person 1)"Did you hear about those hostages in Iraq? Can you believe they..."
(person 2 interrupts) "..yeah I heard... they got the islamic Haircut."
(person 1 shaking head in disbelief)"I thought that was the great peaceful religion...."
(person 2 interrupts) "..yeah I heard... they got the islamic Haircut."
(person 1 shaking head in disbelief)"I thought that was the great peaceful religion...."
by Frank Klaune July 08, 2006
Damn, Frank drank the rest of that fifth of Jim Beam. By the end of the afternoon, he was super glued!
by Frank Klaune April 23, 2005
An irritated or inflamed anal area. "The chappies" is a condition somewhat like hemorrhoids but on a more temporary basis. Chappies are usually caused by excessive ass wiping due to having the shits or by excessive moist farts causing a sore, irritated anal region.
"Damn, Frank's food was so greasy I had the shits all day. Now I've got the chappies so bad I can hardly sit down!"
by Frank Klaune March 06, 2004
Perhaps the most famous and most recognized Tomism (see "Tomism"), the term is used as a general insult. Tom K. would speak of another person as having "the I.Q. of a peanut butter sandwich". It is believed that Tom did not originate the phrase, however. In recent times, the phrase has been combined with "without the jelly" on the end- supposedly to indicate that a peanut butter sandwich WITH jelly has somehow a measurably higher I.Q. Go figure.
by Frank Klaune November 24, 2004
Slang for the restroom or WC. The term is a more polite version of "pissalorium" suitable for use in mixed audiences. It makes you appear highly intelligent and sophisticated as if you know Latin, when in reality, you think it's a language spoken in Latvia.
by Frank Klaune January 27, 2005