108 definitions by frank klaune
Phrase used to describe a police officer's application of the baton upside the head of some stupid bastard who deserves it.
Frank was watching "COPS" last night when we were over. We watched some dudes who stole some poor lady's car and went on a high speed chase all over town. They rammed several cop cars then totalled the stolen car on an embankment. Damn, it was good to see the officers soften the meat on the driver!
by frank klaune May 2, 2005
Common insult with obvious implications. The insult is meant not only to indicate someone who who is stupid and / or offensive, but also one who would do an act which would render their breath like someone else's butt.
by frank klaune January 24, 2005
The unwritten, unmentioned male code of conduct strictly governing behaviour in a public restroom.
Urinal protocol dicktates (pardon the pun) that every male must make due effort to accommodate a buffer urinal if possible. In situations when a buffer urinal is not possible, the pissor must engage in mindless, inane, random conversation with his fellow piss-ees- a phenomenon known as urinal talk. The highest rule of urinal protocol governs eye contact. Eyes must remain straight ahead in a zombie-like stare, and finish with only a brief glance downward (at your putz) during the final shake. While a brief glance at the face of a fellow piss-ee is an acceptable part of urinal talk, a 30 second jaw-agape stare at his dong is un-cool. Similarly, while placing a hand on the wall above the urinal to steady one's self is acceptable (especially when drunk), placing one's hand on another's sholder is not too cool. Urinal talk must never lead to the pissor urinating on the shoes of the piss-ee.
Urinal protocol evolved as a means to deal with urinal anxiety (also referred to as being pee shy) and it's corresponding eccentric behaviour. Restroom owners may erect (pardon the pun) a shame shield as a method of dealing with urinal anxiety and encourage compliance with the time-tested "urinal protocol".
Urinal protocol dicktates (pardon the pun) that every male must make due effort to accommodate a buffer urinal if possible. In situations when a buffer urinal is not possible, the pissor must engage in mindless, inane, random conversation with his fellow piss-ees- a phenomenon known as urinal talk. The highest rule of urinal protocol governs eye contact. Eyes must remain straight ahead in a zombie-like stare, and finish with only a brief glance downward (at your putz) during the final shake. While a brief glance at the face of a fellow piss-ee is an acceptable part of urinal talk, a 30 second jaw-agape stare at his dong is un-cool. Similarly, while placing a hand on the wall above the urinal to steady one's self is acceptable (especially when drunk), placing one's hand on another's sholder is not too cool. Urinal talk must never lead to the pissor urinating on the shoes of the piss-ee.
Urinal protocol evolved as a means to deal with urinal anxiety (also referred to as being pee shy) and it's corresponding eccentric behaviour. Restroom owners may erect (pardon the pun) a shame shield as a method of dealing with urinal anxiety and encourage compliance with the time-tested "urinal protocol".
by frank klaune February 21, 2005
One of a number of terms pertaining to the classification of various kinds of farts. A squibbler indicates the rather anemic sound of a small amount of intestinal gas released in a rather tentative, timid manner resulting in a high-pitched, warbling, somewhat bubbly sound of relatively short duration.
by frank klaune November 9, 2003
Widely-acclaimed anonymous author of infamous wit and wisdom written on the stalls and walls of many bathrooms. The "Shithouse Poet" is believed to actually be a number of different individuals acting in nearly every state of the United States. Much to the chagrin of janitors, the Shithouse Poet leaves his nuggets (pardon the pun) of wit and wisdom in the form of well-crafted prose and poetry through various means in batrhooms throughout the U.S.A.
Some examples:
"They scrub these walls to stop my pen,
but the Shithouse Poet strikes again.
The erased words are all my life.
I'll next engrave them with my knife."
And...
"Here I sat all broken hearted.
Tried to shat, but only farted.
So today I took a chance.
Now I say I shit my pants.
Tomorrow I decide my fate.
I'll borrow a quart of Kaopectate."
"They scrub these walls to stop my pen,
but the Shithouse Poet strikes again.
The erased words are all my life.
I'll next engrave them with my knife."
And...
"Here I sat all broken hearted.
Tried to shat, but only farted.
So today I took a chance.
Now I say I shit my pants.
Tomorrow I decide my fate.
I'll borrow a quart of Kaopectate."
by frank klaune January 22, 2005
Contest similar to "silly swords" or "pissing contest" where two (or more) males stand behind a straight line and urinate as hard as they can. The winner of "longshot" is the one who is able to piss the farthest.
"Mike and Frank were in the back yard playing longshot. Mike won, but I think he shit his pants straining."
by frank klaune March 6, 2004
(n) Any of the ubiquitous, huge, outrageously obnoxious soft drink containers sold in convenience stores. They get larger each year and before long, some nut will weld a crash-bar to a 55 gallon drum, walk into a Kum-n-Go and expect a 59 cent refill. The bladder buster has gotten so large that no vehicle's cup holder can hold them. When you urinate after drinking one, the fire department's hazmat team is summoned and the EPA files an incident report.
Damn, Frank filled his bladder buster at the truck stop and then we had to stop every 20 minutes of the trip so he could squirt the dirt.
by frank klaune February 3, 2005