earpuller's definitions

cold diarrhea

the punch line of an insult used in northern New Jersey during the 60's and 70's. made no sense then, makes no sense now, but still kind of funny.

carly: man, you think you're hot shit in a wine glass, but you're just cold diarrhea in a paper cup.
farley: that's so funny i forgot to laugh!
charlie: you're both about as funny as a cigarette machine in a cancer ward.
carly and farley: huh?

by earpuller January 1, 2006

neighbores

simply put, boring neighbors. people who think you really care about their lives when, in fact, you wish you could move somewhere far, far away just to get away from them.

lady next door:.....then she said.....just back from visiting my sister in Peoria.....couldn't find a thing in there.....new recipes for hamburger helper.....never buy a german car, my father always said.....(two hours later).....well, i can't stand here talking all day.....(another hour later).....wait, don't you want to see my niece's picture?
me: maybe some other time. i've got to go in now (escaping to the safety of my own apartment, i close and lock the door, and start looking through the rental ads-do they list apartments under "no neighbores allowed?)

by earpuller June 11, 2006

Palintology

the study of all the various Palins from Alaska (also the bastard who knocked up Bristol, whats-his-name.) this includes such sub-studies as Palinspeech, Palingeography, and Palintics.

joe: so, what's your major at the university?
moe: Palintology. it's the study of all things Palintical.
joe: (stares blankly at his friend for a couple of minutes; then he says) you're fucking kidding me, aren't you?
moe: no! i'm totally cereal! and now i've got to run-part of my course of study is watching bristol on "dwts."
joe: what the hell is "dwts?"
moe: "dumb white trash shitheads."

by earpuller November 26, 2010

timber nigger

noun: NWUP (northern Wisconsin/ Upper Peninsula of Michigan)word for the native population. in other words, polacks, krauts, micks, and wops calling the original owners of this country a foul name derived from the foul name applied to blacks.

joe: hey, let's go ice fishin up north, hey?
moe: nah, dem timber niggers is all protestin again.
joe: about what?
moe: the history of abuse at the hands of the white man, or some shit like that
joe: fuck'em-let's go to Racine and get drunk!
moe: yah, dere hey!!

by earpuller October 1, 2005

off-ramp blocking

the practice of some drivers that prevents others from changing lanes to exit a freeway or other high-speed roadway. the blocker is between the car exiting and the actual exit, and must be travelling in the lane furthest right (in left-hand-drive countries only,) and going at the same speed as the exiting car. this action can cause massive amounts of road rage because often drivers take extreme measures to maintain their position or to get off the road. the blocked driver must usually take the next exit, which is no problem in big cities. when out in the middle of nowhere, however, the next exit may be many miles ahead, increasing the feelings of road rage. note: if the exiting driver is trying to get off from the far left lane, he is a dumbass and should have his license revoked. in this case off-ramp blocking has not occured.

bonnie: these people are so rude here!! i was trying to change lanes so i could get off at 76th street, but some dumbass in a kia spectra stayed alongside of me for miles! i couldn't get off until national avenue!! what a bastard!!
connie: yeah, it's a real problem on the new bypass. lonnie calls it off-ramp blocking, but i call it sheer stupidity.
lonnie: you betcher ass, ladies!!

by earpuller July 2, 2006

midget digit

noun: a very small penis. Often used as a general putdown for males who actually have normal or even large peckers.

ed: hey dude, i heard you need tweezers to jack off.
fred: yeah, that girl you tried to screw last week told all her friends she needed a magnifying glass just to see if you were hard!
ted: and so, you have been revealed as the possessor of a midget digit!!
ned: damn! oh well, good thing my tongue is as long as my arm!!

by earpuller October 1, 2005

traffic clot

The tendency of slow-moving cars to converge and prevent faster cars from getting past. Much like a blood clot, the traffic clotcan cause serious trouble unless it is treated quickly. Even on a three- or four-lane freeway, a traffic clot can occur at any time, slowing down other motorists and leading to things like road rage.

ernie: sorry i'm late, buddy, but i was making great time on the tollway until i got caught behind a traffic clot.
bernie: oh man, those suck! how many old hyundais were there?
ernie: three, plus an old couple in an avalon, a civic with go-fast decals and a fart can exhaust, and five minivans.
bernie: they need a separate lane for traffic clots.
ernie: yeah, they could call it the "by-pass!!"

by earpuller July 29, 2008