earpuller's definitions

wiki-wandering

after looking up the info you need on Wikipedia, you click on random, interesting-looking links, reading new stuff, until you find yourself reading about something totally unrelated to your original subject.

i looked up "mickey mantle" on Wikipedia. when i was done, i clicked on "new york yankee players," then "world series champions," then on "brooklyn dodgers," then on "leo durocher," then on "laraine day" then on " famous mormons," then on "donny osmond," then on "tv stars of the 70's," then on "david soul", then on "starsky and hutch," then on "tv cars," then on "ford torino," then on "torino talledega," then on "richard petty," then on "stock car champions," then on "alan kulwicki," then on "famous persons from wisconsin," then on "jeffery dahmer," then on "serial killers," then on "howard unruh," then on "camden, new jersey," then on "campbell soup," and then i realized i had just wasted the last three hours wiki-wandering!

by earpuller September 12, 2009

off-ramp blocking

the practice of some drivers that prevents others from changing lanes to exit a freeway or other high-speed roadway. the blocker is between the car exiting and the actual exit, and must be travelling in the lane furthest right (in left-hand-drive countries only,) and going at the same speed as the exiting car. this action can cause massive amounts of road rage because often drivers take extreme measures to maintain their position or to get off the road. the blocked driver must usually take the next exit, which is no problem in big cities. when out in the middle of nowhere, however, the next exit may be many miles ahead, increasing the feelings of road rage. note: if the exiting driver is trying to get off from the far left lane, he is a dumbass and should have his license revoked. in this case off-ramp blocking has not occured.

bonnie: these people are so rude here!! i was trying to change lanes so i could get off at 76th street, but some dumbass in a kia spectra stayed alongside of me for miles! i couldn't get off until national avenue!! what a bastard!!
connie: yeah, it's a real problem on the new bypass. lonnie calls it off-ramp blocking, but i call it sheer stupidity.
lonnie: you betcher ass, ladies!!

by earpuller July 2, 2006

cold diarrhea

the punch line of an insult used in northern New Jersey during the 60's and 70's. made no sense then, makes no sense now, but still kind of funny.

carly: man, you think you're hot shit in a wine glass, but you're just cold diarrhea in a paper cup.
farley: that's so funny i forgot to laugh!
charlie: you're both about as funny as a cigarette machine in a cancer ward.
carly and farley: huh?

by earpuller January 1, 2006

pantser

noun: one who performs a pantsing on a pantsie. Sharing the pronunciation of the German word for "armor", the pantsie believes the pantser is, in fact, some kind of Nazi fascist scum. Actually, the pantser is a sort of public defender of taste, e.g. the pantser shows the absurdity of publicly displaying one's underwear by showing even more of the pantsie's skivvies. A pantser absolutely will NEVER pants a person whose pants are worn properly; this violates The Pantser Creed (definition to follow-or not).

ike: that guy needs to be pantsed!
mike: but who can do the deed?
ike: wait a minute-i could do it! all i need to do is pull down his pants and SHAZAM!! i am a pantser.
rene descarte (french philosopher and early prankster of some repute): i pants, therefore i am.

by earpuller September 27, 2005

UDitors

noun; Urban Dictionary editors. It can be pronounced like the word "editors," or with a short "u" sound, like "mud." UDitors are the arbiters of what goes in or stays out of this website. We come from all walks of life and from around the world. Our common bond is a commitment to documenting the changing vocabulary of today's world

The UDitors are trying to publish only worthy bits of slang, while also trying to remove slanderous and hurtful defs that snuck through in the past. Soon no one will have to read what kind of a bad person he or she is.

by earpuller January 19, 2006

Palintology

the study of all the various Palins from Alaska (also the bastard who knocked up Bristol, whats-his-name.) this includes such sub-studies as Palinspeech, Palingeography, and Palintics.

joe: so, what's your major at the university?
moe: Palintology. it's the study of all things Palintical.
joe: (stares blankly at his friend for a couple of minutes; then he says) you're fucking kidding me, aren't you?
moe: no! i'm totally cereal! and now i've got to run-part of my course of study is watching bristol on "dwts."
joe: what the hell is "dwts?"
moe: "dumb white trash shitheads."

by earpuller November 26, 2010

like giving a flashlight to a blind man

committing an act of such uselessness that it has negative value.

pete: so why did you loan that douchebag $500? he already owes you $2500 for that car he bought from you!
clete: well, he promised if he hit it big at the casino, he'd give me double the money he owes me, so i figured "what the hell?"
pete: it's bad enough you buy this guy's bull shit, but ignoring his past is like giving a flashlight to a blind man. next time, just burn your spare cash.

by earpuller November 21, 2010