mop up

To have to rewipe one's ass a few hours after a shit.

Mike: I need to go mop up it's so hot in this warehouse riding this forklift around.

Boss: Make it fast, we don't have all day.

by cut the cards August 08, 2022

jiffy pop

Ilhan Omars turban

Abdul: I see they took Ilhan Omar off the Foreign Affairs Committee.

Bill: Yes, poor jiffy pop head.

by cut the cards March 26, 2023

landing pad

Bald spot

Jill: There's a Chinese balloon headed our way.

Joe: No worries, I will go down on the beach and flash the landing pad for it to land on.

Jill: Good idea. Maybe it is dropping off our cash too.

by cut the cards February 05, 2023

take your breath away

A chick with really bad breath that is beautiful.

Roger: See that gal across the room ?

Harvey: Yes, she takes my breath away.

Roger: You got that right. She will take your breath away. I hired her to peel wallpaper in my bathroom with it.

by cut the cards February 23, 2023

Lume ass

That new deodorant for the little lady.

Rhonda: Feeling good tonight after riding the ATV all day in 90 weather.

Phil: What you sayin ?

Rhonda: Feelin frisky.

Phil: I'm sure you will just put on some of that Lume again.
Rhonda: Are you saying I have Lume ass ?

by cut the cards January 13, 2023

convertible

That one guy with a toupee everyone knows is a toupee but thinks no one else knows

Roger: Man, we sure had a good time at the club.

Harvey: Yes. Did you see the convertible ?

Roger: Yes. He didn't think I saw him take out the garbage in the morning with it all the way removed.

by cut the cards March 08, 2023

parachute

Huge white bloomers

Mike: That gal you picked up last night just left when you were in the shower.
Harvey: Thanks.

Mike: You sure can pick em. She was a big gal.

Harvey: I know, when I woke up out of my stupor I saw her underwear on the floor. I thought I left my window open and a parachute landed through the window. Never again, man.

by cut the cards January 25, 2023