country matters

old slang term for sexual relations.

I write separately only because it would be a shame to not quote Shakespeare on this one.

Hamlet: Lady, shall I lie in your lap?
Ophelia: No, my lord.
Hamlet: I mean my head upon your lap.
Ophelia: Aye, my lord.
Hamlet: Or did you think I meant country matters?
Ophelia: I think nothing, my lord.
Hamlet: That's a fair thought, to lie between maid's legs.

by [e-mail] February 22, 2009

retirement plan

A large caliber handgun kept by one who does not want to get old, so that he won't have to.

"What the Hell are you doing with a .50 Desert Eagle that you've never used?"

"That's just my retirement plan."

by [e-mail] March 07, 2009

laundry payday

When a person collects cash from his dryer immediately after doing laundry. This term has a different connotation from laundry lottery based on the reliability and frequency of the phenomenon. Laundry paydays are what people who never clean out their pockets get, every week, just like a paycheck. Like a laundry lottery, this produces momentary happiness until the person realizes that they had the money all along.

I can't go drink tonight, but tomorrow is laundry payday, so hit me up then.

by [e-mail] February 04, 2009

hanging out my shingle

When a professional (especially a lawyer), rather than looking for a job, just goes and finds clients. This takes guts and a willingness to work constantly for precious little money in exchange for autonomy.

Law student 1: Hey, you made top 10%. I bet you could get that $160,000 opening at Rob, Ewe, and Howe!

Law student 2: Fuck those guys. I don't want to kiss ass for the next 20 years. I'm hanging out my shingle.

by [e-mail] February 07, 2009

bar

A State regulating body for lawyers that treats information like it's a controlled substance.

In most states, the bar makes it a crime just to give advice to friends without paying government extortion.

by [e-mail] December 22, 2008

relationship pardon

Where, typically at the end of a relationship, one or usually both parties extend forgiveness for all bad acts performed during the course of the relationship.

Ex 1: You never apologized for x.
Ex 2: I didn't have to. It was covered under the relationship pardon.

by [e-mail] February 05, 2009

the needle

Lethal Injection

They can give you 25 to life, or they can give you the needle.

by [e-mail] February 22, 2017