Definitions by carl willis
good hustle
n. A fine effort. This phrase is in the vocabulary of most (if not all) school PE coaches and is commonly used to compliment a player or team for acceptable performance.
good hustle by Carl Willis February 6, 2005
check your neck
A warning that you are acting suspiciously like a redneck, and that with a little critical self-evaluation you might save yourself some embarrassment. For instance, if you have always been an alright guy but find yourself coming down with a NASCAR-watching habit and are voting for evangelical Republicans, it's high time to "check your neck."
You: "Supper tonight is o-possum with gravy and freedom fries. Praise Jesus."
Me: "'Freedom fries?' 'o-possum?' Uh, I think you need to check your neck there Bubba!"
Me: "'Freedom fries?' 'o-possum?' Uh, I think you need to check your neck there Bubba!"
check your neck by Carl Willis January 18, 2005
differently abled
adj. Politically correct 1990s euphemism meaning "disabled". Contrary to what the words may suggest, "differently abled" does NOT mean "having different abilities;" more precisely it means "lacking expected abilities." Since mental disability is generally associated with much more social stigma than physical disability (and hence is ripe for being described by a "sensitive" PC vocabulary), "differently abled" is most frequently encountered in similar contexts as "special". With this in mind, persons of non-retarded status should construe the phrase as a deep insult.
What the teacher thinks: "Goddamn, that was funny! Why do they insist on mainstreaming these plainly retarded kids...they're so distracting to my class..."
What the teacher says: "Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves for laughing when our differently abled peers gave their fine interpretation of Hamlet."
What the teacher says: "Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves for laughing when our differently abled peers gave their fine interpretation of Hamlet."
differently abled by Carl Willis January 18, 2005
Hello Kitty
n. A Japanese psychological mass-casualty weapon, developed by scientists at the Sanrio Corporation; unleashed upon humanity in 1974 with the goal of subjugating the planet under Japanese imperial rule.
Nobody knows how Hello Kitty works, but there is no denying the tragic consequences of its use: millions of fad-crazed zombies (the "Wapanese") now trod the earth, their rational faculties obliterated by an overpowering instinct to embrace Japanese pop culture. Furthermore, they sap the economies of the Western nations by purchasing boundless amounts of worthless Japanese kitsch. With proof of the Kitty's efficacy, the Japanese have subsequently deployed even more potent mind-control weapons, including Pokemon and Dragonball Z.
Doctors warn that even low-level exposure to Hello Kitty may cause a perfectly sound mind to crack. Anyone who accidently catches sight of this Kitty (an anthropomorphic cat having a hairbow and no mouth) is advised to seek psychotherapy at once and to report the sighting to the U.S. Department of Homeland Security for immediate liquidation.
Nobody knows how Hello Kitty works, but there is no denying the tragic consequences of its use: millions of fad-crazed zombies (the "Wapanese") now trod the earth, their rational faculties obliterated by an overpowering instinct to embrace Japanese pop culture. Furthermore, they sap the economies of the Western nations by purchasing boundless amounts of worthless Japanese kitsch. With proof of the Kitty's efficacy, the Japanese have subsequently deployed even more potent mind-control weapons, including Pokemon and Dragonball Z.
Doctors warn that even low-level exposure to Hello Kitty may cause a perfectly sound mind to crack. Anyone who accidently catches sight of this Kitty (an anthropomorphic cat having a hairbow and no mouth) is advised to seek psychotherapy at once and to report the sighting to the U.S. Department of Homeland Security for immediate liquidation.
"The people of the United States have already formed their opinions regarding Hello Kitty, and well understand the implication to the very life and safety of our nation."
Hello Kitty by Carl Willis January 12, 2005
creation science
n. A fundamentalist Christian outreach concept, in which the intent is to "debunk" science with the word of scripture. Its most vocal adherents are southern and mid-western U.S. evangelical protestants (see Bible Thumper.) Creation "scientists" try to convince "unsaved" people that the Earth was formed in a Creation that took place at the hands of Almighty God a few thousand years ago, and hope their evidence will convert a few of these "unsaved" people to the faith.
Some key tenets of Creation Science:
--Scientists (the real ones) are going to Hell, where they will burn forever for blasphemy of the Holy Word of God.
--"Evolution" is a scam to trick us into believing that wholesome, white Christians have common ancestry with apes and chimps and (oh no, please no...) black people! Evolution is the Devil's Theory (yes, it is just a theory).
--Hell is real, full of sulfur, and it exists in the center of the Earth. (Most persons on Earth will be summarily cast into this Lake of Fire when we pass away.)
Unfortunately, unlike real scientists, Creation Scientists face a non-existent job market. Most find work in blue-collar manufacturing jobs, or else provide for their families by huntin' sqwirls, 'coons and o-possum. Their hobbies range from watching NASCAR, to whippin' the kids, to attending Klan and CCC rallies. Prrrraise Jesus!
Some key tenets of Creation Science:
--Scientists (the real ones) are going to Hell, where they will burn forever for blasphemy of the Holy Word of God.
--"Evolution" is a scam to trick us into believing that wholesome, white Christians have common ancestry with apes and chimps and (oh no, please no...) black people! Evolution is the Devil's Theory (yes, it is just a theory).
--Hell is real, full of sulfur, and it exists in the center of the Earth. (Most persons on Earth will be summarily cast into this Lake of Fire when we pass away.)
Unfortunately, unlike real scientists, Creation Scientists face a non-existent job market. Most find work in blue-collar manufacturing jobs, or else provide for their families by huntin' sqwirls, 'coons and o-possum. Their hobbies range from watching NASCAR, to whippin' the kids, to attending Klan and CCC rallies. Prrrraise Jesus!
Question: How old is this part of the Grand Canyon?
Scientist: This formation is about five million years old, according to our best uranium-lead dating...
Creation Scientist: Them there canyon ain't no more 'n' maybe 4000 years ole,' and if you done believe otherwise, you're a Hellbound sinner, praise the Lord! Now please op'n' all yawl's Bibles to Genesis, Chapter Six and let us remind ourselves of the word of God...
Scientist: This formation is about five million years old, according to our best uranium-lead dating...
Creation Scientist: Them there canyon ain't no more 'n' maybe 4000 years ole,' and if you done believe otherwise, you're a Hellbound sinner, praise the Lord! Now please op'n' all yawl's Bibles to Genesis, Chapter Six and let us remind ourselves of the word of God...
creation science by Carl Willis December 14, 2004
gallows bird
"Down here in Macomb, Alabama, we knowed that nigra-boy Tom Robinson was a gallows bird 'fore the trial even got started."
(Two lawyers at lunch)
Lawyer #1: Let's see, we have Alan Lee Davis for kidnapping and murder first degree, LaShawndra Simmons for distributing crack rock, and BraNell Wallace for grand theft of some rims, apparently.
Lawyer #2: We shouldn't take Davis. Let's be honest--he's a gallows bird. Folks hate him and the DA has an open-and-shut case.
(Two lawyers at lunch)
Lawyer #1: Let's see, we have Alan Lee Davis for kidnapping and murder first degree, LaShawndra Simmons for distributing crack rock, and BraNell Wallace for grand theft of some rims, apparently.
Lawyer #2: We shouldn't take Davis. Let's be honest--he's a gallows bird. Folks hate him and the DA has an open-and-shut case.
gallows bird by Carl Willis December 2, 2004