Practically unacknowledged existence of highly porky smelling oil secreted around the anus - avoid showering for a few days to discover this. Can be smeared under the nose of a fellow camping / dormitory occupant as a punishment.
Other 'oils' exist - discover and enjoy......
Lamb oil - found in the pubes,
Cheese oil - found between toes esp. athletes foot
Bacon & onion oil - armpits
Chicken oil - hair!
Prawn oil - earns, esp if infected.
I taught the arsewipe not to snore, I gave him a pork oil moustache.
A Fart: A fart of specific audiophonic quality, a long melancholy sound with a gradual drop in tone identical to the howl of a wolf
It was a still moonlit night, my last meal contained raw onions, the dusty old house lay silent. Out of respect for partner I lay on my side pulled back the duvet, letting out
a spectacular 'bowel howl' the likes of which would inspire a novel by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.
A set up whereby someone is led to believe that they have in fact won the Lotto.
The person who's name is Leigh records the Lottery Programme, notes the winning numbers and buys a ticket the following week with these numbers on and gives it to his wife. On Saturday they both sit down as the show starts but it's 'run VT' and she doesn't realise but she is now watching last weeks show. He shares in the 'excitement' as all the numbers come up, the bastard has even included the Bonus Ball - AS WELL. He then lets her phone up Lottery HQ to claim her prize....hey why not? It's ONLY a joke... :-0
"OK Mrs X I will need a few examples of unreasonable behaviour to put before the court"
1. Bogus Lotto
2. Donkey Punches
3. He wears stockings and has a vibrator up his ass most times we have sex.
4. Conducts "Builder's Inspections" at customer's houses.
5. Casts lead weights in the shape of gold bars and paints them accordingly, ages coins with bleach and 'lets me find both while scuba diving on shipwrecks with him.
Thank you Mrs X, that should do nicely.
Leigh......you're one in a million but we all love you!
Mendip caving slang for cow shit.
As we entered sump five we found that it was thigh deep in cowsh.
Impressively knackered or broken.
1. I'll give it a miss, I'm feeling totally tarahted
2. Well I might as well bin it now, you've completely tarahted it.
3. Have you seen what those chavs have done to the bus stop - it's completely tarahted.
Used disposable nappy. Once folded into place with the velcrow wings secured it resembles a product from the Ginsters range.
While you're up their would you empty the nappy bin - it's
solid with 'piss pastys'
A neurological condition whereby the patient's real personality is suddenly revealed by their simple loss of ability to accept views different to their own, Leave or Remain, to the point at which they suspend all respect for others and then enter into raised levels of judgement and hatred creating social division.
Signs include excess heat, hot sunken eyes, redness, finger poking, increased volume, pronounced veins, general appearance of shitty indignation and judgemental and personal posting on social media including memes that are borderline legal.
Brexititis can be highly contagious in closed circles such as pubs, market stalls, farms, small businesses, school staff rooms and hospitals and is more prevalent among people aged 30+. Bed rest is the only cure - hence young people tend never to catch it in the first place.
They were having a stimulating conversation and then someone said, "What do you reckon to the referendum
?". Immigration was then discussed whereupon several people exhibited an episode of Brexititis