brucester's definitions

cuntogenic

Someone who is perfectly aware that you are filming or taking a shot but justifies walking right in front of the camera. (Especially if you are shooting something important.)

I was videoing my daughter in a race at school sports day,
just as she reached the finish line some perfectly cuntogenic individual walked in front of me by less than a meter.

by Brucester June 14, 2007

braggington

A health professional who doesn't like NHS patients and treats them like second class citizens, then braggs about it to their staff.

"Aren't you going for a check up today?" "Nope I've suffered a right braggington, - I was struck off for answering back!"

by Brucester October 10, 2006

builder's inspection

Unprofessional behaviour by domestic builders whereby during their lunch break they ALWAYS inspect the contents of the underwear drawer of an absent home owner especially if she is a real honey. Passing the items round they mentally picture her wearing them....I'm told...by numerous building acquaintances.

"Arrrrrrrrgh !!! You make sure you lock those fucking monkies out when you leave tomorrow"

"Why ????? They're doing great with the conservatory"

"BECAUSE David, they've held a fucking Builder's Inspection - that's why....I can tell"

by Brucester September 18, 2006

space cookies

Skiing: A small lump of very hard snow or ice that looks innocent enough but it is practically welded to the piste causing you to stumble when you ski into it. Usually encountered first thing in the morning before the sun has loosened the snow up.

Following a wipe-out....."I think I must have hit a space cookie or something"

OR

Take it easy guys this next bit is littered with space cookies

by Brucester September 10, 2006

Bogus Lotto

A set up whereby someone is led to believe that they have in fact won the Lotto.

The person who's name is Leigh records the Lottery Programme, notes the winning numbers and buys a ticket the following week with these numbers on and gives it to his wife. On Saturday they both sit down as the show starts but it's 'run VT' and she doesn't realise but she is now watching last weeks show. He shares in the 'excitement' as all the numbers come up, the bastard has even included the Bonus Ball - AS WELL. He then lets her phone up Lottery HQ to claim her prize....hey why not? It's ONLY a joke... :-0

"OK Mrs X I will need a few examples of unreasonable behaviour to put before the court"

1. Bogus Lotto
2. Donkey Punches
3. He wears stockings and has a vibrator up his ass most times we have sex.
4. Conducts "Builder's Inspections" at customer's houses.
5. Casts lead weights in the shape of gold bars and paints them accordingly, ages coins with bleach and 'lets me find both while scuba diving on shipwrecks with him.

Thank you Mrs X, that should do nicely.

Leigh......you're one in a million but we all love you!

by Brucester September 18, 2006

golden hello

A term you may have previously used in business to describe a cash bonus on appointment, not in this instance though!..........

The sudden deluge of warm sweet smelling regurgitated SMA Gold infant formula that runs down your neck and shoulders during 'burping' - usually followed by a smile. It's what you get for being lazy and trying to get the whole bottle down without 'burping' mid way.

"Darling, has Jemima been fed" "Er-nope, not exactly she's
just had a golden hello"

by Brucester September 13, 2006

grout

Alt. name for a fart. An extremely accurate onomatopoeia for a very short ripping stuccatto type fart. So accurate it follows the word exactly. GR - The rasping start, OU - the classic change in tone. T - the abrupt end as the sphincter slams shut. GR OU T

Did you hear that? Someone grouted during prayers.

by Brucester September 10, 2006