Unprofessional behaviour by domestic builders whereby during their lunch break they ALWAYS inspect the contents of the underwear drawer of an absent home owner especially if she is a real honey. Passing the items round they mentally picture her wearing them....I'm told...by numerous building acquaintances.
"Arrrrrrrrgh !!! You make sure you lock those fucking monkies out when you leave tomorrow"
"Why ????? They're doing great with the conservatory"
"BECAUSE David, they've held a fucking Builder's Inspection - that's why....I can tell"
"Why ????? They're doing great with the conservatory"
"BECAUSE David, they've held a fucking Builder's Inspection - that's why....I can tell"
by Brucester September 18, 2006
Get the builder's inspectionmug. Practically unacknowledged existence of highly porky smelling oil secreted around the anus - avoid showering for a few days to discover this. Can be smeared under the nose of a fellow camping / dormitory occupant as a punishment.
Other 'oils' exist - discover and enjoy......
Lamb oil - found in the pubes,
Cheese oil - found between toes esp. athletes foot
Bacon & onion oil - armpits
Chicken oil - hair!
Prawn oil - earns, esp if infected.
Other 'oils' exist - discover and enjoy......
Lamb oil - found in the pubes,
Cheese oil - found between toes esp. athletes foot
Bacon & onion oil - armpits
Chicken oil - hair!
Prawn oil - earns, esp if infected.
by Brucester September 10, 2006
Get the pork oilmug. Draconian punishment for the fussy girfriend who keeps complaining about your unavoidabe flatulence, and who keeps escaping when you try to hold her head under the blanket.
A rich fart is released silently into your hand, you expell all air from your lungs then breath in the fart from your closed hand. You now make an amorous approach and breath the fart into her face / mouth as you kiss her. This will cure the problem as she WILL leave you. Failing this you repeat the procedure but first you bite strips of of your fingernails and wedge them between your teeth - an "indirect fart with nails"
A rich fart is released silently into your hand, you expell all air from your lungs then breath in the fart from your closed hand. You now make an amorous approach and breath the fart into her face / mouth as you kiss her. This will cure the problem as she WILL leave you. Failing this you repeat the procedure but first you bite strips of of your fingernails and wedge them between your teeth - an "indirect fart with nails"
by Brucester September 10, 2006
Get the indirect fartmug. A health professional who doesn't like NHS patients and treats them like second class citizens, then braggs about it to their staff.
"Aren't you going for a check up today?" "Nope I've suffered a right braggington, - I was struck off for answering back!"
by Brucester October 10, 2006
Get the braggingtonmug. A term you may have previously used in business to describe a cash bonus on appointment, not in this instance though!..........
The sudden deluge of warm sweet smelling regurgitated SMA Gold infant formula that runs down your neck and shoulders during 'burping' - usually followed by a smile. It's what you get for being lazy and trying to get the whole bottle down without 'burping' mid way.
The sudden deluge of warm sweet smelling regurgitated SMA Gold infant formula that runs down your neck and shoulders during 'burping' - usually followed by a smile. It's what you get for being lazy and trying to get the whole bottle down without 'burping' mid way.
by Brucester September 13, 2006
Get the golden hellomug. "Treasure" brought up from shipwrecks on the seabed by scuba divers.
For "Treasure" read - mainly bits of brass rubbish. For "Brought up" read - furiuosly chiseled off against the clock. For "Scuba Divers" read - thieving pikeys.
For "Seabed" read - murkey depths of cold water with visibility of two metres.
For Spidge there is a heirachy of value, disregard all gold, jewells and other fantasy land nonsense the real wreck treasure chart goes something like this:-
1= Ships bell
2= Telegraph / telemotor
3= Compass binnacle
4= Helm
5= Steam whistle
6= Nice brass Nav or deck lights
7= Portholes
8= Crockery & cutlery etc
Consolation prizes for the lower ranks of the air diving one tank numpty:-
Rubber soles from dead seamans shoes, unidentified piece of brass, crockery fragment, lead shot, hooked up fishing weights, pieces of diving equipment dropped by other novices.
All of the quality items have to be reported to the Receiver Of Wreck who finds out if you are allowed to keep the stuff. The remaining detritus is used to decorate your fireplace until you get married when the wife "accidentally" puts it out for the dustman.
For "Treasure" read - mainly bits of brass rubbish. For "Brought up" read - furiuosly chiseled off against the clock. For "Scuba Divers" read - thieving pikeys.
For "Seabed" read - murkey depths of cold water with visibility of two metres.
For Spidge there is a heirachy of value, disregard all gold, jewells and other fantasy land nonsense the real wreck treasure chart goes something like this:-
1= Ships bell
2= Telegraph / telemotor
3= Compass binnacle
4= Helm
5= Steam whistle
6= Nice brass Nav or deck lights
7= Portholes
8= Crockery & cutlery etc
Consolation prizes for the lower ranks of the air diving one tank numpty:-
Rubber soles from dead seamans shoes, unidentified piece of brass, crockery fragment, lead shot, hooked up fishing weights, pieces of diving equipment dropped by other novices.
All of the quality items have to be reported to the Receiver Of Wreck who finds out if you are allowed to keep the stuff. The remaining detritus is used to decorate your fireplace until you get married when the wife "accidentally" puts it out for the dustman.
"Dived the Lanfrac last weekend"
"Hur hur, find any gold"
"Er, yes actually! a solid bar of it, unfortunately it was a Leigh Bishop trip so in fact it had been placed there and was lead cast and sprayed gold to look like one"
"Hur hur - Fools Spidge!"
"Hur hur, find any gold"
"Er, yes actually! a solid bar of it, unfortunately it was a Leigh Bishop trip so in fact it had been placed there and was lead cast and sprayed gold to look like one"
"Hur hur - Fools Spidge!"
by Brucester July 29, 2007
Get the Spidgemug. You have just arrived home late and have furtively drilled your new girlfriend on the living room floor of her house whilst the rest of the family are asleep upstairs. The kettle is on and she has crept upstairs to the bathroom to have a piss and muck out her meat wallet. You are desperate to dry your cock......the kitchen is tidy, even you wouldn't use a tea towell!! no kitchen roll handy and no downstairs loo......It HAS to be a zaffle with the back of the living room curtains.
by Brucester September 01, 2006
Get the zafflemug.