Brucester's definitions

diarraulics

A continuous viscous blockage of the entire tract whereby the hydraulic effect of eating one meal simply guarantees that another is angrily spat out of the other end.

I don't know what to do, eating is useless, I'm suffering a diarraulics attack.

by Brucester September 16, 2006

trog

Troglodytes, cave dwellers. Caver, potholer, spelaeologist,
spelunker. A highly respectable name for anyone physically tough enough and experienced in exploring caves or potholes.
Someone of immense stamina - probably under 30 years of age.

There were actually quite a few trogs in there so it was a cool place to go drinking.

by Brucester September 11, 2006

rop up

Vomit. An onomatopoeia describing in particular the hearty sound of someone painfully emptying their guts

"Where's John, I thought he was with us??" "He's just about to rop up round the back of the bus shelter - we better wait for him"

by Brucester September 10, 2006

slocker

Mendip caving slang for a cave entrance that has been used as a dump. Possibly very old term but widly used now.

Ee slocked it down that there hole. i.e Stoke Lane Slocker

by Brucester September 16, 2006

Bogus Lotto

A set up whereby someone is led to believe that they have in fact won the Lotto.

The person who's name is Leigh records the Lottery Programme, notes the winning numbers and buys a ticket the following week with these numbers on and gives it to his wife. On Saturday they both sit down as the show starts but it's 'run VT' and she doesn't realise but she is now watching last weeks show. He shares in the 'excitement' as all the numbers come up, the bastard has even included the Bonus Ball - AS WELL. He then lets her phone up Lottery HQ to claim her prize....hey why not? It's ONLY a joke... :-0

"OK Mrs X I will need a few examples of unreasonable behaviour to put before the court"

1. Bogus Lotto
2. Donkey Punches
3. He wears stockings and has a vibrator up his ass most times we have sex.
4. Conducts "Builder's Inspections" at customer's houses.
5. Casts lead weights in the shape of gold bars and paints them accordingly, ages coins with bleach and 'lets me find both while scuba diving on shipwrecks with him.

Thank you Mrs X, that should do nicely.

Leigh......you're one in a million but we all love you!

by Brucester September 18, 2006

pork oil

Practically unacknowledged existence of highly porky smelling oil secreted around the anus - avoid showering for a few days to discover this. Can be smeared under the nose of a fellow camping / dormitory occupant as a punishment.

Other 'oils' exist - discover and enjoy......
Lamb oil - found in the pubes,
Cheese oil - found between toes esp. athletes foot
Bacon & onion oil - armpits
Chicken oil - hair!
Prawn oil - earns, esp if infected.

I taught the arsewipe not to snore, I gave him a pork oil moustache.

by Brucester September 10, 2006

indirect fart

Draconian punishment for the fussy girfriend who keeps complaining about your unavoidabe flatulence, and who keeps escaping when you try to hold her head under the blanket.

A rich fart is released silently into your hand, you expell all air from your lungs then breath in the fart from your closed hand. You now make an amorous approach and breath the fart into her face / mouth as you kiss her. This will cure the problem as she WILL leave you. Failing this you repeat the procedure but first you bite strips of of your fingernails and wedge them between your teeth - an "indirect fart with nails"

I gave her an indirect fart

by Brucester September 10, 2006