Brucester's definitions

pseudo good

'Pseudo Good' is an event that you feel good or happy about but only because it has deceived you into thinking it is good. The good was only a possibility - but it turned out to be nothing.

Pseudo Good is the opium of life, it keeps you positive, it usually does not amount to 'actual good' but by then you have forgotten how lame the Pseudo Good was and you happliy swallow the next load of Pseudo Good, just like a gold fish biting at nothing because its memory is too short to remember that nothing doesn't taste of anything.

I'm so happy that x girl at college is starting to be friendly with me! - Six weeks later she blanks me because she only wanted to get a lift with me to classes. It was only Pseudo Good.

I'm so happy - the boss wants a meeting with me next week about the managers job - Turns out he just wanted me to cover the vacancy until someone more experienced replys to the job add. It was only Pseudo Good.

I'm so happy x company wants to buy our stuff, all my hard sales work has paid off!! - turns out that their previous supplier had put them on stop due to non payment because they have no money and now they are going bust owing us thousnads and we are probably going to go bust too. It was only Pseudo Good.

I'm so happy - I've just voted for a new government - (Insert outcome here)

by Brucester June 4, 2011

Industrial Tribunal

Industrial Tribunal (UK) used to be a court designed to deal with the bad employers. It is now a sham, 1000s of good employers are ending up being IT'd due to 'no win - no fee solicitors' and an oppressive spiteful govenment.

We're not sure what we did wrong, it's so complicated. We spent £12k on legal fees in the run up to court. We made a mistake in our HR procedures and were fined £16k. I have now lost my house and my company. Turns out that the claimant has done this 3 times before.

Welcome to Industrial Tribunal in the UK !

by Brucester June 4, 2011

zaffle

The act of wiping your cock clean on the back of the living room curtains.

You have just arrived home late and have furtively drilled your new girlfriend on the living room floor of her house whilst the rest of the family are asleep upstairs. The kettle is on and she has crept upstairs to the bathroom to have a piss and muck out her meat wallet. You are desperate to dry your cock......the kitchen is tidy, even you wouldn't use a tea towell!! no kitchen roll handy and no downstairs loo......It HAS to be a zaffle with the back of the living room curtains.

by Brucester September 1, 2006

hwank

hwank or hwankers. Invented by Tourettes sufferer Pete Bennett of Big Brother 7 fame. Word is identical to wank or wankers but is intentionally poorly disguised by a cough, thus absolving the user of any responsibility for using an expletive.

"Grace is getting booed, they're booing Grace - hwankers"
Using the word 'wankers' he would have been insulting the people he wanted to vote for him, but 'hwankers' - no problem.

by Brucester September 1, 2006

bowel howl

A Fart: A fart of specific audiophonic quality, a long melancholy sound with a gradual drop in tone identical to the howl of a wolf

It was a still moonlit night, my last meal contained raw onions, the dusty old house lay silent. Out of respect for partner I lay on my side pulled back the duvet, letting out
a spectacular 'bowel howl' the likes of which would inspire a novel by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

by Brucester September 10, 2006

grout

Alt. name for a fart. An extremely accurate onomatopoeia for a very short ripping stuccatto type fart. So accurate it follows the word exactly. GR - The rasping start, OU - the classic change in tone. T - the abrupt end as the sphincter slams shut. GR OU T

Did you hear that? Someone grouted during prayers.

by Brucester September 10, 2006

piss pasty

Used disposable nappy. Once folded into place with the velcrow wings secured it resembles a product from the Ginsters range.

While you're up their would you empty the nappy bin - it's
solid with 'piss pastys'

by Brucester September 10, 2006