Brucester's definitions

grout

Alt. name for a fart. An extremely accurate onomatopoeia for a very short ripping stuccatto type fart. So accurate it follows the word exactly. GR - The rasping start, OU - the classic change in tone. T - the abrupt end as the sphincter slams shut. GR OU T

Did you hear that? Someone grouted during prayers.

by Brucester September 10, 2006

trog

Troglodytes, cave dwellers. Caver, potholer, spelaeologist,
spelunker. A highly respectable name for anyone physically tough enough and experienced in exploring caves or potholes.
Someone of immense stamina - probably under 30 years of age.

There were actually quite a few trogs in there so it was a cool place to go drinking.

by Brucester September 11, 2006

diarraulics

A continuous viscous blockage of the entire tract whereby the hydraulic effect of eating one meal simply guarantees that another is angrily spat out of the other end.

I don't know what to do, eating is useless, I'm suffering a diarraulics attack.

by Brucester September 16, 2006

space cookies

Skiing: A small lump of very hard snow or ice that looks innocent enough but it is practically welded to the piste causing you to stumble when you ski into it. Usually encountered first thing in the morning before the sun has loosened the snow up.

Following a wipe-out....."I think I must have hit a space cookie or something"

OR

Take it easy guys this next bit is littered with space cookies

by Brucester September 10, 2006

Bogus Lotto

A set up whereby someone is led to believe that they have in fact won the Lotto.

The person who's name is Leigh records the Lottery Programme, notes the winning numbers and buys a ticket the following week with these numbers on and gives it to his wife. On Saturday they both sit down as the show starts but it's 'run VT' and she doesn't realise but she is now watching last weeks show. He shares in the 'excitement' as all the numbers come up, the bastard has even included the Bonus Ball - AS WELL. He then lets her phone up Lottery HQ to claim her prize....hey why not? It's ONLY a joke... :-0

"OK Mrs X I will need a few examples of unreasonable behaviour to put before the court"

1. Bogus Lotto
2. Donkey Punches
3. He wears stockings and has a vibrator up his ass most times we have sex.
4. Conducts "Builder's Inspections" at customer's houses.
5. Casts lead weights in the shape of gold bars and paints them accordingly, ages coins with bleach and 'lets me find both while scuba diving on shipwrecks with him.

Thank you Mrs X, that should do nicely.

Leigh......you're one in a million but we all love you!

by Brucester September 18, 2006

builder's inspection

Unprofessional behaviour by domestic builders whereby during their lunch break they ALWAYS inspect the contents of the underwear drawer of an absent home owner especially if she is a real honey. Passing the items round they mentally picture her wearing them....I'm told...by numerous building acquaintances.

"Arrrrrrrrgh !!! You make sure you lock those fucking monkies out when you leave tomorrow"

"Why ????? They're doing great with the conservatory"

"BECAUSE David, they've held a fucking Builder's Inspection - that's why....I can tell"

by Brucester September 18, 2006

braggington

A health professional who doesn't like NHS patients and treats them like second class citizens, then braggs about it to their staff.

"Aren't you going for a check up today?" "Nope I've suffered a right braggington, - I was struck off for answering back!"

by Brucester October 10, 2006