bachelor bob's definitions

nipliptical

A sexual partner used as exercise equipment, specifically for aerobic, standing, rear-entry penetration. To qualify, the penetrator must manipulate his partner's nipples.

co-worker: "Bob, you're looking fit."

Bob: "You bet! It's amazing what 10 minutes a day on my nipliptical does for the glutes."

by Bachelor boB May 19, 2007

Plumpkin

1) any female who dresses as though she weighs 15-30 lbs. less than she actually does. Frequently sports an exposed roll of non-baby fat overlapping the waist of her pants and/or breasts unintentionally bulging out of bra cups.

2) any unacceptably unattractive female who would become acceptably attractive upon losing 15-30 lbs.

I hooked-up with a plumpkin at the mall food court, hoping to gradually sweat the jellyrolls off of her. But once she had a man, rather than getting leaner and hotter, she just got lazier and bought bigger clothes.

by Bachelor boB July 29, 2008

VDF

Acronym for Vagina Distortion Field

Paul: "Yo Spammond, what happened to the latest 'love of your life'?"

Kris: "After I finally hit that shit, she somehow didn't seem so perfect anymore."

Paul: "Sounds like you nutted your way out of her VDF."

by Bachelor boB January 18, 2012

in vitrarian

|in ˈvēˌtre(ə)rēən|

noun

a person who does not eat meat, except that which is synthetically grown in labs (beginning circa 2012), especially for moral, religious, or health reasons.

Flower Child: "Sun Beam, what are you doing?! Are you oppressing one of our Earth sisters?"

Sun Beam: "Re-find your Chi. This Big Mac was grown in a petri dish. I've evolved from vegan to in vitrarian."

Flower Child: "Shit. Grow me a Bacon Double Cheeseburger!"

by Bachelor boB May 5, 2012

natural selfielection

A category of fatality invoked during, and due to, the self-taking of a photograph. Like a 'Darwin Award' recipient, but a true event.

Did you hear about the couple's fatal fall in Yosemite National Park while taking a cliff edge photo in October 2018? Just another case of natural selfielection.

by Bachelor boB October 31, 2018

Vagina Distortion Field

Like the notorious reality distortion field (RDF) of Steve Jobs, a Vagina Distortion Field (VDF) affects perception, which thereby alters behavior. When someone is affected by a woman's VDF, every aspect of her being seemingly improves in that person's view. A woman's VDF typically only influences those who have not yet had access to said vagina. Being warped by a VDF is different than being pussy whipped. With the latter, the whipped individual behaves abnormally to maintain access to the pussy, but perception of the vagina owner is not altered. The VDF often has the greatest affect on the owner of the vagina, making her vastly overestimate her worth, influence, and potential.

Spock: "Captain, you are once again risking the lives of the entire crew in the pursuit of some green slag."

Kirk: "Mr. Spock, your libido-less Vulcan logic fails to grasp the enormity of the daily Pon Farr that starship command subjects on a man."

Spock: "Mr. Sulu and Mr. Chekov, move the Enterprise as far as is necessary and raise whatever shield is needed to protect the captain's mind from the insidious Vagina Distortion Field that is destroying his judgement."

Kirk: "Spawwwwwwwwwk!!!"

<cue Kirk fight music>

by Bachelor boB January 17, 2012

E-nothing

|iˈˌnəθi ng |

n. An enlisted member of the US military below the rank of E-5. Someone without sufficient authority over anyone/anything to cause any real affect. Considered inept by anyone E-6 or higher, regardless of how demonstrably capable. Used in a derogatory fashion by E-6 and above; used in a amiable fashion by E-5 and below. *The* place to be in the US military.

Shitstain: "This P-way hasn't been swabbed in over 12 hours! Get some E-nothing in here with a bucket."

E-5: "Time to bust up the Khakis with an E-nothing luncheon."

by Bachelor boB June 18, 2010