bachelor bob's definitions

Vagina Distortion Field

Like the notorious reality distortion field (RDF) of Steve Jobs, a Vagina Distortion Field (VDF) affects perception, which thereby alters behavior. When someone is affected by a woman's VDF, every aspect of her being seemingly improves in that person's view. A woman's VDF typically only influences those who have not yet had access to said vagina. Being warped by a VDF is different than being pussy whipped. With the latter, the whipped individual behaves abnormally to maintain access to the pussy, but perception of the vagina owner is not altered. The VDF often has the greatest affect on the owner of the vagina, making her vastly overestimate her worth, influence, and potential.

Spock: "Captain, you are once again risking the lives of the entire crew in the pursuit of some green slag."

Kirk: "Mr. Spock, your libido-less Vulcan logic fails to grasp the enormity of the daily Pon Farr that starship command subjects on a man."

Spock: "Mr. Sulu and Mr. Chekov, move the Enterprise as far as is necessary and raise whatever shield is needed to protect the captain's mind from the insidious Vagina Distortion Field that is destroying his judgement."

Kirk: "Spawwwwwwwwwk!!!"

<cue Kirk fight music>

by Bachelor boB January 17, 2012

dic dac

Any medication in pill form that causes a penile erection (e.g. Viagra). After the once popular breath mint "tic tac."

Viagra would be even more popular if it came in a clear dispenser, had about 100 pills for $1, was made in an array of flavors, freshened your breath, and had just 1 calorie each. Yeah, dic dacs should be sold at every check-out line.

by Bachelor boB March 7, 2010

I'd suck her dick

A dysphemism for infatuation, specifically a man's for a woman. Used to express such extreme infatuation that the man would go to any length to please the woman in an attempt to enter into a relationship with her. Discovering "her" to actually be a transvestite or transgendered male and the heterosexual male then proceeding to perform oral sex on the "woman" is the quintessential example of extreme infatuation. This implies that any lesser requirement for a relationship is well within the man's willingness to provide.

boB: "Jacey is so hot, I'd suck her dick!"
Paul: "Yes, she has many fine qualities, but that's certainly beyond the pale."
boB: "Yeah, well, we'll see who taps that ass first."
Paul: "Ironically, that may be 'her' primary sexual orifice. Let's hope you can achieve copulatory success without resorting to such lengths."
boB: "Wa?"

by Bachelor boB January 7, 2011

Türkiye

A country so archaic, illiberal, and self-defeating that it had to rename itself in order to stop giving turkeys a bad name.

Don't insult turkeys -- relatively intelligent and beautiful birds -- by associating them with Türkiyes. If you need an appropriate comparison, think of 'Sand Russians' when you think of Türkiyes.

by Bachelor boB June 2, 2022

Carapture

ca•rap•ture | kə 'RAP chər |

noun

1. The highly publicized 'Carmageddon' event of Los Angeles, California's closure of I-405 beginning on July 16, 2011, which was in actuality as much of a non-event as the highly publicized 'Rapture' event of May 21, 2011 (i.e. car-rapture). Emphasis, both in pronunciation and interpretation, are placed on the crap component.

Just like the recently predicted Rapture, lots of live T.V. reporters were standing by for the I-405's Carmageddon. Unfortunately for their ratings, it turned out to be a Carapture.

by Bachelor boB July 17, 2011

PELs

|pē ē elz|

noun

Acronym for Pussy-Eating Lips. The equivalent of DSLs (Dick-Sucking Lips), but used on a vulva. Typically just fuller than average lips, but on a face one would enjoy receiving cunnilingus from. Can belong to either a man or a woman.

If Angelina Jolie ate hair pie, her DSLs would be mad PELs!

White chicks often develop jungle fever when they realize that the average spear chucker not only has more meat whistle, but also some serious PELs.

by Bachelor boB December 15, 2011

E-nothing

|iˈˌnəθi ng |

n. An enlisted member of the US military below the rank of E-5. Someone without sufficient authority over anyone/anything to cause any real affect. Considered inept by anyone E-6 or higher, regardless of how demonstrably capable. Used in a derogatory fashion by E-6 and above; used in a amiable fashion by E-5 and below. *The* place to be in the US military.

Shitstain: "This P-way hasn't been swabbed in over 12 hours! Get some E-nothing in here with a bucket."

E-5: "Time to bust up the Khakis with an E-nothing luncheon."

by Bachelor boB June 18, 2010