bachelor bob's definitions
malk
noun
Any milk alternative made from a non-dairy source (e.g. soy, rice, oats, spelt, bulgar, hemp, coconut, almond, cashew, hazelnut, macadamia, pistachio, sunflower, etc.). Since the National Milk Producers Federation is trying to convince the Food and Drug Administration to outlaw the labeling of any product as "milk" that does not come from a mammary gland, a new name is needed. And since humans should not be drinking liquid from any mammary gland other than a human's, "malk" is definitely the healthiest and least gross choice after a person is weaned.
noun
Any milk alternative made from a non-dairy source (e.g. soy, rice, oats, spelt, bulgar, hemp, coconut, almond, cashew, hazelnut, macadamia, pistachio, sunflower, etc.). Since the National Milk Producers Federation is trying to convince the Food and Drug Administration to outlaw the labeling of any product as "milk" that does not come from a mammary gland, a new name is needed. And since humans should not be drinking liquid from any mammary gland other than a human's, "malk" is definitely the healthiest and least gross choice after a person is weaned.
Mom: "Do you want whole or chocolate milk on your Frosted Flakes?"
Son: "Seriously?! Do I look like a calf or are you just trying to make me diabetic? I'll take hemp malk on my organic, non-GMO, fair trade muesli, thank you very much."
Son: "Seriously?! Do I look like a calf or are you just trying to make me diabetic? I'll take hemp malk on my organic, non-GMO, fair trade muesli, thank you very much."
by Bachelor boB January 3, 2017
Get the malkmug. A sexual partner used as exercise equipment, specifically for aerobic, standing, rear-entry penetration. To qualify, the penetrator must manipulate his partner's nipples.
co-worker: "Bob, you're looking fit."
Bob: "You bet! It's amazing what 10 minutes a day on my nipliptical does for the glutes."
Bob: "You bet! It's amazing what 10 minutes a day on my nipliptical does for the glutes."
by Bachelor boB May 19, 2007
Get the niplipticalmug. |pē ē elz|
noun
Acronym for Pussy-Eating Lips. The equivalent of DSLs (Dick-Sucking Lips), but used on a vulva. Typically just fuller than average lips, but on a face one would enjoy receiving cunnilingus from. Can belong to either a man or a woman.
noun
Acronym for Pussy-Eating Lips. The equivalent of DSLs (Dick-Sucking Lips), but used on a vulva. Typically just fuller than average lips, but on a face one would enjoy receiving cunnilingus from. Can belong to either a man or a woman.
If Angelina Jolie ate hair pie, her DSLs would be mad PELs!
White chicks often develop jungle fever when they realize that the average spear chucker not only has more meat whistle, but also some serious PELs.
White chicks often develop jungle fever when they realize that the average spear chucker not only has more meat whistle, but also some serious PELs.
by Bachelor boB December 15, 2011
Get the PELsmug. A category of fatality invoked during, and due to, the self-taking of a photograph. Like a 'Darwin Award' recipient, but a true event.
Did you hear about the couple's fatal fall in Yosemite National Park while taking a cliff edge photo in October 2018? Just another case of natural selfielection.
by Bachelor boB October 31, 2018
Get the natural selfielectionmug. Any medication in pill form that causes a penile erection (e.g. Viagra). After the once popular breath mint "tic tac."
Viagra would be even more popular if it came in a clear dispenser, had about 100 pills for $1, was made in an array of flavors, freshened your breath, and had just 1 calorie each. Yeah, dic dacs should be sold at every check-out line.
by Bachelor boB March 7, 2010
Get the dic dacmug. ca•rap•ture | kə 'RAP chər |
noun
1. The highly publicized 'Carmageddon' event of Los Angeles, California's closure of I-405 beginning on July 16, 2011, which was in actuality as much of a non-event as the highly publicized 'Rapture' event of May 21, 2011 (i.e. car-rapture). Emphasis, both in pronunciation and interpretation, are placed on the crap component.
noun
1. The highly publicized 'Carmageddon' event of Los Angeles, California's closure of I-405 beginning on July 16, 2011, which was in actuality as much of a non-event as the highly publicized 'Rapture' event of May 21, 2011 (i.e. car-rapture). Emphasis, both in pronunciation and interpretation, are placed on the crap component.
Just like the recently predicted Rapture, lots of live T.V. reporters were standing by for the I-405's Carmageddon. Unfortunately for their ratings, it turned out to be a Carapture.
by Bachelor boB July 17, 2011
Get the Carapturemug. Like the notorious reality distortion field (RDF) of Steve Jobs, a Vagina Distortion Field (VDF) affects perception, which thereby alters behavior. When someone is affected by a woman's VDF, every aspect of her being seemingly improves in that person's view. A woman's VDF typically only influences those who have not yet had access to said vagina. Being warped by a VDF is different than being pussy whipped. With the latter, the whipped individual behaves abnormally to maintain access to the pussy, but perception of the vagina owner is not altered. The VDF often has the greatest affect on the owner of the vagina, making her vastly overestimate her worth, influence, and potential.
Spock: "Captain, you are once again risking the lives of the entire crew in the pursuit of some green slag."
Kirk: "Mr. Spock, your libido-less Vulcan logic fails to grasp the enormity of the daily Pon Farr that starship command subjects on a man."
Spock: "Mr. Sulu and Mr. Chekov, move the Enterprise as far as is necessary and raise whatever shield is needed to protect the captain's mind from the insidious Vagina Distortion Field that is destroying his judgement."
Kirk: "Spawwwwwwwwwk!!!"
<cue Kirk fight music>
Kirk: "Mr. Spock, your libido-less Vulcan logic fails to grasp the enormity of the daily Pon Farr that starship command subjects on a man."
Spock: "Mr. Sulu and Mr. Chekov, move the Enterprise as far as is necessary and raise whatever shield is needed to protect the captain's mind from the insidious Vagina Distortion Field that is destroying his judgement."
Kirk: "Spawwwwwwwwwk!!!"
<cue Kirk fight music>
by Bachelor boB January 17, 2012
Get the Vagina Distortion Fieldmug.