assmurderer's definitions

playing center field

the romantic and sexual pursuit of middle aged women.

Girls my own age have always been intimidated by me, but I've had much more success after I started playing center field.

by assmurderer September 13, 2011

Mate Guard

An insecure person characterized by his or her tendency to prevent their sexual parter from participating in sex acts with others.

Tom: Hey Bob, your girlfriend was a great fuck last night.
Bob: I'll kill you!
Tom: Don't be such a mate guard.

by assmurderer June 23, 2011

Flammobilia

Memorabilia that also happens to be flammable.

Most memorabilia is also flammobilia.

by assmurderer April 12, 2010

Cidephobia

The fear of killing. According to the Center for Mental Disorders (CMD), cidephobia is specified as a condition in which a person either has an intense desire not to kill people, experiences recurrent urges not to kill, or fantasies about a world in which everyone gets along. Cidephobia is recognized as a clinical disorder by the CDM. It has been shown in numerous studies that cidephobia has negative effects on a person's ability to enjoy killing. If you or a loved one suffer from cidephobia, they should see a psychiatrist immediately.

John: Hey Paul! Kill that mofo!
Paul: I can't due to my cidephobia.
John: Aw damn Paul, you seriously need to get some help.

by assmurderer September 14, 2009

Norwegian nose tickle

the act of ejaculating onto a sleeping persons outstretched palm and then tickling their nose. Ideally, the victim will wipe their face with the freshly cumsoaked hand.

I gave Suzy a Norwegian nose tickle last night.

by assmurderer December 14, 2012

Laffensadden

A German term roughly meaning "funny and sad at the same time."

It was laffensadden when I found out the times square elmo was just a racist homeless man in a costume.

by assmurderer August 21, 2013

hopscotch

A mixture of beer and scotch.

Never drink hopscotch.

by assmurderer September 3, 2011