Definitions by Uncle Joosie

Phone-noser 

Assholes who walk with their nose in their phones—while crossing the street, dog-walking, driving or at the gym. Phone-nosers are the fuckers who'd crash right into you if *you weren't the one paying attention.

Carlotta's blood pressure rose when she saw a phone-noser almost get hit by a car while crossing the street with his dog.

Phone-noser by Uncle Joosie September 18, 2017

Opera Poop 

a bowel movement spread out over 2 or 3 intervals—like an opera or play.

early one morning, Timothy took a noticeably low-volume crap, and then flushed and washed his hands. A few minutes later he realized it was an Opera Poop—one that required a second and possibly a third visit to the toilet.

Opera Poop by Uncle Joosie June 27, 2017

Chicago Deuce 

An outsized, abnormally gigantic poop taken after a visit to Chicago where all sorts of high-calorie foods were consumed.

During a trip to Chicago, Tim had a cheeseburger platter and chocolate mayonnaise cake at Portillo's; deep-dish pizza at Bartoli’s; and a few hot dogs from street vendors. When he got back home to Connecticut, he sat on the toilet and dropped a gargantuan Chicago Deuce that was so huge it looked like a shipwreck.

Chicago Deuce by Uncle Joosie August 20, 2016

Chyronalism

Chyronalism (chyron + journalism) happens when news media fact-checks lying asshole fuckfaces like Donald Trump in on-screen graphics. "Chyronalism" has taken the place of actual journalism since profit-driven news media is all about access and ratings. They DGAF about confronting lying politicians to their faces, so they fact-check in the chyron.

Brindy was in the CNN production room during a live broadcast when she committed an act of Chyronalism; from a quick Google search she found Donald Trump to be a lying shitbird and corrected him on-screen in the chyron.

Chyronalism by Uncle Joosie August 14, 2016

Shallow Follow 

when you follow someone on Twitter solely because they're smoking hot.

Kyle "Shallow Followed" Trevor on Twitter only because he saw that he's hot.

Kyle stumbled across Trevor today from a Retweet—and when he clicked over to Trevor's profile avi he saw that Trevor was super-fucking hot and muscly with a great smile. So Kyle Shallow-Followed him because he doesn't care what he tweets or says just so long as he's hot.

Shallow Follow by Uncle Joosie July 27, 2016

Violent Affection Syndrome (VAS) 

When babies, dogs, kids or other people are so cute, and it becomes so aggravating, that you just want to squeeze them until their eyeballs pop out.

Karla bumped in to old-friend Susie on the street, with her three-month-old, Emmett, decked out in a sailor suit, giggling endlessly. "He is so adorable in that get-up that I just want to slap him," Karla remarked to Susie, who quickly explained that she was suffering from Violent Affection Syndrome (VAS). Susie took Emmett and kept walking down the street.

Violent Affection Syndrome (VAS) by Uncle Joosie April 17, 2014