Definitions by Ubeenbamboozledson

Why didn't you go with him? 

When you don't realize a person is dead and you suffer a severe case of foot-in-mouth disease.

Earl: "I'm such an idiot. I saw our neighbor Mrs. Lundgren at the store today, so I asked her how her husband was doing. I didn't know he was dead. She said 'he's gone' and I thought he was on a trip. So I asked, 'Why didn't you go with him?'"

Opal (horrified): EARL!!!

~ "Pickles" by Brian Crane

Why didn't you go with him? by Ubeenbamboozledson March 8, 2022

Captain Sofa 

A position of authority where you have full control of a sofa and who sits on it. Nobody is allowed to sit on the sofa unless they say, "Permission to board, sir?"

"Captain Sofa" originated from a Pickles comic:

Opal: *Sits on the sofa*

Earl: *Clears throat*

Opal: Forget it. I don't care if you ARE Captain Sofa. I'm not saying "Permission to board, sir?" every time I sit down here.

Captain Sofa by Ubeenbamboozledson March 8, 2022

Bait and Switch

A form of humor where the audience expects something obvious to happen, but then something else happens/appears out of nowhere.

Bait and Switch Example:

(ASDF)

Bully: "Hey, you four-eyed freak!"

Guy with glasses: "Ah..."

(The screen zooms out, revealing a third person; a midget who LITERALLY has four eyes)

"...Don't listen to him!"

(The guy with four eyes screeches at him)

Bait and Switch by Ubeenbamboozledson March 8, 2022

Green M&M 

The most seductive, alluring, and gorgeous M&M you'd ever seen until political correctness ruined her.

Bring back the old Green M&M or we will never buy M&Ms again out of protest. Sincerely, THE ENTIRE WORLD

Green M&M by Ubeenbamboozledson March 4, 2022

In My Life 

A somber song by The Beatles about old friends who have come and gone.

There are places I remember
All my life, though some have changed

Some forever, not for better

Some have gone and some remain

All these places have their moments

With lovers and friends that I can still recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life, I love them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life, I love you more

In my life, I love you more

In My Life by Ubeenbamboozledson March 3, 2022

Wesley Willis

A schizophrenic artist who eventually turned to making hilarious songs which are so bad, they're good.

Here's to Wesley Willis (1963-2003)

Your songs were absolutely terrible, but they are hilarious to listen to.

Wesley Willis by Ubeenbamboozledson March 3, 2022

Nostril Air Redirection 

The act of physically plugging a clear nostril on purpose when the other nostril is actually plugged in an attempt to force air to go through the plugged nostril to clear it up. Nasal decongestants are optional; in fact, this is typically done because nasal decongestants don't work for those times when one nostril is absolutely plugged to hell like a rush hour traffic jam and the other is like an abandoned highway. Despite common sense telling you that this is a genius idea and it should work, it typically doesn't. But that doesn't mean it never works, so be sure to try it next time you have a cold.

Nostril Air Redirection may not work often, but it feels satisfying when it does.

Nostril Air Redirection by Ubeenbamboozledson February 25, 2022