The Cap N''s definitions

officer nordberg

The one man on the Police Squad who hasn't given up looking for the real killer(s) of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman.

Officer Nordberg has remained dogged about finding the real killer since he accidentally contaminated and ruined the crime scene with his own DNA.

by The Cap N' July 21, 2020

Deployment Driven Down Syndrome

A neurological disorder generally presenting itself in males aged 18-40 as a result of deploying to environments that are so hot the brain cooks inside of a helmet that is bombarded by high frequency radio waves and X-ray radiation while simultaneously trying to figure out exactly what the mission is. The people who are handicapped by this syndrome return noticably impaired in both mental and physical capabilities.

My uncle has Deployment Driven Down Syndrome (DDDS). He spent 9 months looking at the same patch of desert for 8 hours a day during OSS while running a backscatter.

by The Cap N' August 21, 2023

kick-start the dog

1. The act of tucking one's semi-erect penis behind their leg and then kicking that leg rearward in order to stimulate a fuller erection.

2. Tucking ones fully erect penis behind their leg and forcefully hiking that leg rearward in order to smack a woman performing fellatio under the chin.

1. I was taking a shower and sprang a semi so I used some hair conditioner to kick-start the dog.
2. Your ex-girlfriend kept talking while giving the weakest head I've ever received so I kick-started the dog and smacked that bitch in the face.

by The Cap N' June 19, 2020

raccoon murder

1. A made up legal term that has no statute because the law sees these creatures as nuisance animals.

2. The completely legal and responsible activity of eliminating trash pandas from your neighborhood or property so as to preserve the cleanliness of the area and rid it of diseased pest.

1. Some turds went on YouTube and accused this guy of raccoon murder. Turns out, there's no such thing.

2. I was tired of half the trash cans being tipped over and the garbage being scattered throughout the neighborhood. So I went on a raccoon murder spree.

by The Cap N' July 21, 2020

pontiac blanket

1. A diseased or poisoned garment given to someone in order to infect or afflict them.

2. A reference to smallpox blankets allegedly given to the Pontiac Indians.

See: Ottawa jizz rag, Nessus shirt, Shirt of Nesus, Nessus Snuggy, Tunic of Nessus

I woke up with a cold sore after crashing at Dan's apartment after the party. I'm pretty sure he gave me the ol' Pontiac blanket because I cock-blocked him.

by The Cap N' August 10, 2020

shripp

1
n. The distinct sound of chapped butt cheeks breaking the adhesion caused by a combination of caked skin, body hair, and fecal matter.
2
v. The act is separating the fleshy portions of the buttocks where the left and right gluteus maximus join at the anus creating a sound similar to opening old velcro.

1: I had to use the airport bathroom after a long flight and my ass made a shripp.

2: I shripped so loud that the two guys in the stall next to me giggled and one said, "Sounds like a virgin".

by The Cap N' April 24, 2021

Ghetto life insurance

When you're life is so meaningless you go out of your way to get killed by the police or a city bus in the hopes that your surviving family who wants nothing to do with your sorry ass anyways will get half the money the courts award you at the taxpayers expense. The other half goes to the lawyers and Al Sharpton.

Yeah... He was a gud boy. He was get 'n his life back together. He was going to community college and trying to record his rhymes. He dindu nuff 'n and the police shot 'em. He goan git fat ghetto life insurance doh...

by The Cap N' May 19, 2021