Telephony's definitions

Fell heezes over

Used if you don't have the balls to say, "Hell freezes over". Also it can be used on fora or BBSs when the onboard censor nukes the word Hell.

Snow in Houston? When Fell heezes over!

by Telephony December 12, 2017

synthetic whistling

Not all dissimilar to synthetic clapping, synthetic birds, synthetic finger popping, etc.
It is the sound of human whistling created solely by synthesizer hardware or computer software synthesis. Most frequently heard on TV commercials for various & sundry household products; especiall.

No actual lips are injured or otherwise harmed when synthetic whistling is employed.

The Take Control margarine advertisement from the turn of the century had this horrid synthetic whistling in it. Made me want to throw a large tub of frozen Gold & Soft margarine right through my TV set's boob tube and then suck up all of the glass with a bagged upright vaccume cleaner so that the cat doesn't cut her paws on it! :-(

by Telephony May 8, 2015

speech imspediment

How Butt-Head from the TV program Beavis and Butt-Head says the phrase, "speech impediment" in the episode, "Speech Therapy".

{Butt-Head}: No ma'am, I don't have a speech imspediment.

by Telephony August 13, 2020

plastic cat toliet

An alternate phrase that is simply another way of saying "litterbox".

Called the "plastic cat toliet" because litterboxes are generally made of plastic and they have but one function: a cat pisses & shits into it -- thus making it a toliet for cats.

Craig, it's time to clean out the plastic cat toliet; it's getting awfully full!!!

by Telephony December 27, 2011

charmangulation

Tearing, ripping, or otherwise mutilating the first several sheets off of a new toilet roll in an attempt to find the "start".

Man that's totally F'ed up!!! You really committed charmangulation on that roll of bungwipe, didn't you?

by Telephony November 15, 2010

pissblanket

A plastic mattress protector; used to prevent a mattress from becoming wrecked if somebody has enuresis (if they piss the bed). They are often found on beds at group homes and similar facilities.

Robbins then thinks about the pissblankets on every bed in the joint, so he rips the pissblanket off of one of the beds, goes around and unscrews all of the light bulbs he can get to, pours the generous helping of light bulbs into the pissblanket (approx. 24 bulbs), gathers up the edges, and whirls the bulging pissblanket over his head -- striking the wall with it a number of times until he is absolutely, positively, 100% certain that all of the bulbs inside are busted. He then crams the pissblanket and its cargo of broken bulbs into a nearby wastepaperbasket.

by Telephony April 16, 2011

bloody hatchet wound

Slang term for the female cunt; esp. if that pussy's owner is on the rag.

Don't fuck Jessica tonight; she has a bloody hatchet wound and you'll get your dick covered in her menstruation!!!

by Telephony September 30, 2018